Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

Jorah turns and says to Harlold as he leaves
"Good job man. Can't let nobody hold you down! Can't let nobody keep you away from having your fun!"
Jorah continues to sing and stick close to Gray

"Well I certainly didn't expect that, even less than I would expect the Jaquimish inquisition," Gray shrugs, "alright time to see what the secret is with this floor."

Gray puts the torch closer to the ground to make sure hes not stepping on the colored tiles, and then he slowly peel's Phyllis and Lezly's bodies away from the floor to see what tiles the spikes are protruding from.

Gray lifts Phyllis' legs clear of the spikes, but as the rest of her body is still impaled he cannot extract the rest of her body. Lezly's body is farther away than Gray feels comfortable reaching over the tiles.

Gray shifts just enough to see where the first spike is coming out from.

The spikes protrude from the hole in the middle of each intersection.

[Pretend all the circles are the same size and the pattern repeats]
The tiles that were under Phyllis' legs pop back up to their original state, and the spikes in the area retreat back into the floor.
From his excellent sense of topography, Gray estimates that starting from Lezly's form, it will only take roughly two more bodies laid end to end to reach the doorway on the other side. To his good fortune there happens to be exactly two other people in the room with him.

Gray goes outside and starts collecting small stones, gravel and sand, then he proceeds back inside and pours them down one of the holes at the outer rim. He uses his saber scabbard to pack them in deep, and then proceeds to trigger the associated tile with is scabbard without exposing himself.

As Gray does not have a spare cup or anything else suitable for extracting, containing, or pouring sediment, it takes him quite a while to fill up one of the holes. The weight sensitive nature of the tile forces him to take extra caution not to let too much stuff spill off-target. Jorah sings and Sandow spouts various statements and opinions to pass the time.

"Today? I am an alien and it is Nice"

"I bet you don't know what a conic section is, you math noob."

"I have such respect+love for kesha"

"These pictures are fucking BRUTAL"

"Dumbledore in My Immortal is exemplary of the traditional radical feminist narrative of the predatory trans woman"

After half an hour the hole is finally packed. The moment of truth is here. Gray pushes down on a tile with his scabbard.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'Coin' : 2, 1

Wow! Nothing happens.

"Looks like it is safe my friends, let us hurry and fill the rest of these holes."

Gray takes the wheelbarrow outside, and uses it as a massive scoop for sand and gravel with Jorah and Sandow to help him. He then quickly dumps the barrows full of sand into the next hole down the line.

Predictably, most of the sediment misses the one inch wide hole and lands on the surrounding tiles.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

#1 'Coin' : 2, 1

--------------------------------

#2 'Coin' : 2, 2

Three tiles areby all the dirt and gravel weighing down on them. Everyone flinches back as four bloodstained spikes shoot up around the yellow tile right on the border.

"dang, dawg. I thot u said it b safe. I dun think we gon get thru dis eazy. Lezgo elsewhere."

Gray shoves the extra weight into the hole very easily now that its on the ground.

"It is quite safe as long as we know which ones will pop up. I bet there's more exciting things ahead."

Jorah eyes Gray suspiciously for a while before saying:
"Fine, there better be something exciting soon. If nothing piques my interest, then promise me you'll share that last shroom with me. We can haz duh fun tiemz together!"

Gray tosses Jorah the last shroom before resuming his filling.

"If you feel like you need to, have some fun whenever you want."

Jorah is visibly irritated.
"I can have fun by myself whenever I want. I don't need your permission"
Jorah's face slowly relaxes and an expression of sadness can be seen on his face.
"I just want someone I can bro-out with"

Gray finds it is not as easy as he thought to fill the hole, as there is now a spike sticking out of it.

He scrapes just enough off so that spike goes back in, and then pours it back. Gray is more careful with the next whole as to not waste time.

"Aight, well I see you're just gonna be a bitch about this, so I'm audi"
Jorah leaves the crypt and heads towards the Volkswagen.

Gray follows Jorah out to make sure nothing happens to his possessions.

Jorah exits the pyramid he suspects is a crypt. The wagon has moved to a different spot in the clearing, the attached horse neighing and jerking anxiously. This could be due to Harold and a gaunt brunette woman standing around it, making strange gestures. Upon seeing Jorah they stand upright and smile at him. "Uh...hi there." "Hello!"
"So uh...how's it going in there?" Harold asks sheepishly.

Jorah pouts
"It's boring."
Suddenly Jorah looks like he thought of something and he pulls out the mushroom.
"Hey, lets split this. It's sum crazy shiet, guise!"

"Whoaho nice, where'd you get it?" They see Gray emerge from the pyramid. "Aww, do we have to share with him too?"

"Hmph"
Jorah crosses his arms and turns his head dismissively away from Gray.
"He's super booooring and doesn't want to 'cloud his mind'. We don't needa worry about sharing with him."

"Continue on gentlemen, and... lady, I'm just here to get some tools before I go back in," Gray pretends that nothing is wrong and walks towards his wagon.

He climbs inside the wagon cover, readies his gun while pretending to rummage for stuff, and waits to see what will happen while continuing to rummage for stuff.

Jorah begins splitting the mushroom into parts for the people surrounding him (except for Gray).

"Alrighty then, let's have it!" Everybody digs into their mushroom portion.

Soon, the world becomes more colorful, soft, bouncy even. Kelvin- er, Jorah feels the power of spaghetti returning to him, reinvigorating his body, although not too much for the bones because that would be too spooky. Shopping bags sprout from his arms and legs, preparing him for the upcoming Black Friday rush. Gotta keep your hands and teeth free for those doorbuster vouchers.
"Yeeeehahahahaha!" Harold and his companion twirl around in a silly dance.
It's mating season for the northern alpine tree octopus, and boy are they out in full swing today. Amidst a rain of meatballs and fettucini the male octopi leap from limb to limb, displaying their kaleidoscopic undersides that flash and sparkle in all the colors of the rainbow, and waving their tentacles seductively in the hopes of attracting a lovely mate to accompany them back to their apartment for some....Netflix and chill..
"Hey, HEY! How do you make an octopus laugh?" Harold asks in a drowsy voice.
"Bondage play?"
"NO! Ten Tickles! GET IT? BECAUSE THERE ARE TEN!? AND THEY TICKLES?"
The clearing is filled with laughter, pasta, candy canes, and the flowing juices of rejoicing octopi, for their wish has been granted.
It would seem Treebeard is having a good time too, probably to stave off the existential threat of the upcoming holiday season. Loud saxophone music starts playing, and Treebeard suddenly freezes stock still, frothing at the mouth.
Carlito peeks out of a laminated shopping bag, now a large purple clam. "I warned you about dares, bro! I told you dawg!"

Harold staggers over to Jorah, slapping down a heavy hand on his shoulder with a friendly grin. "Aha, aha. Brah. Brah. Me and the missus gonna cruise it up downtown in a, a, SAIKOU NO COOOL car. Baldo been savin' up fo dat 1967 Chevrolet Camaro for aaaages. With the slick back black hair, y'know? Muhfucking...greased lightning, bitch! You down with the clown, homes?"
"You're the one that I want, You're the one that I want, baby, ooh ooh ooh!"

Jorah swings his arm around Harold's shoulder.
"Yo, dawg. Yu dun understand. Izall about duh lambo. gotta git duh lambo. wit dat spaghetti paint pattern."

After a few moments of embracing the ensuing shenanigans, Jorah stares blanky into the distance and realizes:
"I am but a simple farmer, tending to his memes."
and begins sobbing.

"Das it mane. Das some high class taste ya got there. But ya know for my money, for my money, squirtle is probably the best pokemon. Gotta appreciate the classics."
The grass tickles Jorah's feet, but turns blue as he sobs.
"NO!" The woman cries. "DON'T LET YOUR MEMES BE DREAMS! DO IT! JUST DO IT!"
They wiggle their eyebrows and make consecutive thumbs ups.

"JAST DOO EET!!!!!(doo eet doo eet...)"

Jorah remembers that he needs to breathe and stops sobbing for a few moments to catch his breath.
In these moments, Jorah also pops a sad thumbs up.
After about a minute, he continues sobbing.

Jorah's twin salty rivers of tears irrigate the small basin, turning it into a flood plain. Lush plant life begins to sprout around him, growing abnormally large and all blue where they should be green. Blue bell flowers bloom, and then immediately bend over and start sobbing as well.

Harold's eyes widen in shock as he looks ogre Jorah's shoulder. "Hark! That's the biggest wedding cake I've ever seen!"
"It...EETS PARFEKTO!! Lets get married on it, Harold!"
Jorah turns around and sure enough he beholds a gigantic, multi-layered wedding cake, covered with white cream and pink frosting on the edges. At the top sits a white arched shrine.
"Swell idea!" The two rush over to the cake and start climbing it. "Come on over, mayne! We're having a wedding, and yer invited! You can be the...wassitcalled...the best man, mayne!"

Jorah sulks over to the "wedding" and continues to cry.
"where's the minister?"

[Of course, TRUE Baldo fans would know that his dream car is actually a Chevrolet Impala, not a Camaro.]

"Why, I am right here beside you my son."
As if on cue, a tall, priestly man walks out from behind the arch, thoroughly spooking everyone. He wears a long dark blue coat and a distinctive hairstyle. Instead of the usual Quinate holy symbol a cross hangs from his neck, resembling a thin sword. Despite having never seen this man before in his life, Jorah gets a familiar feeling from him. Perhaps, deep down inside of their hearts, all men know who this minister is. He is like a universal constant. Pipe organs lurk just out of sight, aching to segue into their somber, sonorous song. A peculiar stench radiates from his mouth, of some exotic foreign food...it must be very spicy. Everyone in the vicinity feels the desire to give him all of their shiny rainbow rocks, for absolutely nothing of value in return.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes!" they say, and the vows are spoken.
He spreads his arms wide.
"Then REJOICE, young couple, for your union has been granted."
Harold and his new wife raise their hands in matrimonial joy as an uproar ensues; it is the sound of hundreds of small children of all shapes and sizes cheering- or are they screaming? Nah, definitely cheering in celebration.
"Watch out there."
Harold's wife starts to stumble down the side of the cake, but slips and rolls the rest of the way to the ground.
"I told you dawg!" Harold cries, but he does not appear to be serious, and she picks herself up.
Jorah notices his surroundings are slightly less bright, and the cake now looks rather rocky. He should probably get some before it goes stale.
The gaunt woman canters over to the wagon and thrusts herself inside. "Heyug, et outta th'car, lossa," she says to Gray in a slurred voice, "'tis time f'rus to go on our honeymoooooooo....n."

"oi, yo cake's getting stale. Better hurry up and eat it before the maggots come for it."
Jorah stares at it for a while and murmers
"ah, it just entropys away."
Jorah stops crying and lays face-up on the ground, staring at the sky.

Gray sees that the woman seems disoriented, and slowly unsheathes his sword with his back turned towards the woman. Quickly he spins around, cups one hand over the woman's mouth and slides his blade over her jugular and windpipe in an attempt to kill the woman as silently as possible. Gray then takes out a handful of silver coins, and fills the wound with them.

The woman is put off by Gray's apparent ignorance. "Ey, 'm talkin-n t'YOU, bub. What're yew doing...Izzat a sord?"
His materials prepared, Gray whirls around.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

'standard d20' :

Result : 3

In a brief moment of inexplicable incompetence, Gray grabs her nose instead.
"Hahn?"
Fortunately she doesn't seem to react, giving him time to correct himself.
"Ohg, it IS a- MMMRFF!!"
Having regained his composure Lee Gray swiftly slices her throat open. Blood pours out in rivulets, staining his hands and dripping down his arms.
"HH-ghrkghh!" The woman gurgles wordlessly, a strange glint appearing in her widened eyes.

Gray tries to stuff some silver rooks into the wound but only manages to get three in there. He is not sure what this was supposed to accomplish, but as far as he can tell the woman continues bleeding out and his hands are a lot dirtier.

She stumbles out of the wagon only to collapse to the ground.
"Wow Agnes, you look a lot like Phyllis now, ha ha!" Harold says, and scratches his head. "Waaait a minute...."

Gray jumps out of the wagon, and attempts to slash Harold in the leg.

"meh, izbored."
Jorah takes out his broken sword and tries to approach Harold from behind and shiv him after seeing Gray's actions.

"Hey, it's Mr. Boring!"
Gray scores a meaty slash across Harold's thigh. The old man's eyebrows furrow, but his grin remains. Looks like Harold's still as good at hiding the pain as he ever was. But it seems like he's finally realized what is going on.

"N-NOOO!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!" he screams, attempting to hobble away. His pace is slow enough for Jorah to get up, catch up, and stab him in the back. He keels over, landing facedown on the ground as his shirt gets soaked with his blood. He turns his head sideways, to look at the men who have betrayed him.
"Why..." he croaks weakly, as the life seeps out of him, "I thought you were my friends..."

"Good job my brother, now we can continue on that cave adventure without wasting much more time. I bet there's a lot of fun stuff inside."
Gray emphasizes the sense of mystery and danger when he attempts to sell Jorah his business plan.

Gray decapitates Agnes, and takes his rooks back. Then he proceeds to drag the two corpses hitched to his horse back to the cave, and uses them to fill in the remaining distance to the other side of the spike pit.

"I'll see you...Agnes..." Harold's eyes close. At least he died with a smile on his face.
Harold has been slain
Lee Gray finishes the job by cutting the rest of the woman's neck, whose name was presumably Agnes.
Double kill!
As Gray proceeds with his merry business, Sandow walks out of the pyramid, looking bored.

"Hay guys, what's going on in this- OH LAWD!!" he exclaims, his eyes bugging out as if he had spotted fried chicken.

"Hey child, catch," smiles Gray as he hands Sandow a corpse. Then he finishes the child off with a blow from his sword.

(Assuming Gray succeeds) Jorah firmly puts a hand on sandow's shoulder.
"It's better this way, child."

"Haha, that's insane."
Sandow easily evades the corpse by taking a few steps back as Gray drags it towards him.
Realizing that trying to hand over an entire adult human corpse probably wasn't the best idea, Gray decides to drop it and just cut to the chase. Literally.
"NOT AGAIN!" Sandow screams and runs into the forest.

Jorah turns to Gray
"Guess he isn't a fan of the mystery and danger you're trying to sell. You should really put emphasis on phun instead of danger. Just a thought, bruh"

"Man, he just doesn't see the fun I guess," Gray shrugs.

"And what is fun without a little danger? That's like playing a game you know you can't lose." Gray winks and continues with his earlier plans.