Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

The sphinx's eyes narrow in suspicion. Lee Gray "circulates" his "tube" in the manner that he imagines one would "circulate" a device shaped like a single shot pistol that somehow contains tiny dice. Any observer can tell from the way he "circulates" it that Gray is a visionary, an expert of this new, innovative, technology. The sphinx assumes an apprehensive stance as Gray approaches her, which is of course what one does when one wants to roll dice with a "handy dandy dice rolling tube", but she doesn't know that. After a few more flashy in-depth circulations, Gray aims the open end at her, and activates the device:

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'd4' : 1

If Gray's pistol was actually responsible for a die being rolled, it probably happened very far away. What it can be seen to do is spark and flare for a brief moment before propelling a small piece of lead into the sphinx. Her whole body shudders from the hit, but does not fall. She looks up with glowing eyes.
"ONCE AGAIN YOU TAKE A THIRD OPTION," the sphinx growls with a deep guttural reverb, and charges at Gray.

Gray holds out his hand as if in shock while retreating, using Jorah as an obstacle, "oh no, what happened! That wasn't supposed to be what should happen! Let me try my other one."

Gray shoots the other pistol at the Sphinx after drawing it.

Jorah is shocked by Gray's actions and doesn't do anything for a moment.
When he sees sphinx-san charging at him, he sheds a single tear and mutters under his breath:
"you really would've enjoyed dem cheesy poofs, gurrr"

Jorah attempts to dodge to the side to avoid sphinx-san's charge and begins singing:
[Law the Zeroth: Thermal Equilibrium]

If sphinx-san takes any more hostile actions, Jorah will ready his broken blade.

Since they are now running on what could be called a "tight schedule", Gray doesn't have time to "circulate" his other pistol before firing it:

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'fudge' :


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#2 'd4' : 4

Charging, sprinting, loping with great speed, the sphinx lunged at Lee Gray, but he already had that sphinx dead to rights. Feeling reassured by Jorah's singing Gray shoots her in the chest, close to the first hit. A small puff of mist emerges where the second bullet struck, causing her to freeze up and stumble. But in a blur of motion the sphinx is back on her paws, and jumps the last few feet between them.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'fudge' :

Despite his unkempt appearance Jorah Cabot displays a burst of athletic prowess as he leaps to the left. Realizing his obstacle has removed itself, Lee Gray attempts to follow suit.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'fudge' :

[Jorah's broken blade is drawn]
Gray's realization comes a second too late. Passing through the space Jorah would have been in, the sphinx catches Gray mid-dodge and knocks him to the floor. He can feel her labored breath, her considerable body weight pinning his legs down, and what is presumably her blood seeping onto him.
Lying on the cold hard ground, Gray attempts to fend off the mythical creature's attacks, but the difference in strength between them has already decided the outcome. With long polished claws the sphinx slashes away his arms, and he can see her face has partially morphed into a lion's savage maw.
In an otherworldly voice filled with contempt, the sphinx declares "I knew you were trouble when you walked in," and rips his throat out.

Jorah maintains his posture, but shows no hostile intent.

"Dayum gurr, das sum hardcore shiet. Gray was a sneaky guy, but u dun gotta do him in liek dat. Das not nice."

Jorah looks around aimlessly.

"So, what's happening now? You got any mushrooms? Man, I wonder what Carlito's up to..."

The sphinx turns to face Jorah, the area around her mouth smeared with red.
"Ohhh, you know what's not nice? Trying to trick someone into thinking you've got a BULLSHIT 'dice rolling tube' when it's really like... some kinda weapon that hurts like a bitch. Shame on him now." She looks over him warily, but her eyes have returned to normal. Seeing his nonthreatening posture, she pads back over to the sofa with Gray's remains in tow. A trail of liquid is left behind on the floor. "I'll get that cleaned up later. Okay, so your pal bloody man here volunteered as tribute. A moment ago I was seriously considering just killing you both. I could do it, you know? But we can still maintain...some semblance of the rules, so here's the deal: You get one last chance to answer correctly. If you don't...well, we'll see."

Jorah puts his sword away and ponders for a moment. After around 5 seconds, he makes a 'XD' face.

"Man, this riddle is really hard. I feel like if I know a little more about you, I might be able to figure out what your favorite color is. Do you mind if I ask you a few personal questions?"

She makes an 'XD' face back as she disembowels her prey. "Alright, but just a few, and I don't have to answer if I don't want to. Not that I don't trust you, which I don't after what your buddy pulled, but I've met more than my fair share of sages who claimed to be able to "guess whatever you are thinking of in twenty questions or less!" and that often became very painful for everyone involved. So yeah. Ask away."

"I guess first off I'd like to ask what you typically do with dem peeps u kill after they fail. Why are you disemboweling Gray? I'm pretty curio rite nao cuz of wut u b doin, gurrr. Do you eat them? Do you hang them up and make jerky? Do you cook them up all nice? Or maybe just eat them straight up? Do they taste good? liek cheesy poofs?"

Jorah's mouth is visibly watering.

"Can I have some of that?"

"As a wise man once said, it depends. If I haven't eaten in a while and I have to hunt down intruders I usually devour them raw out of frustration, but I try to save some for later." In demonstration she sets aside some entrails. "Salt keeps basically forever, and I've got a lot of it so yeah, can make jerky and stuff. Although sometimes if I wake up hungry and there's no one around to quiz I just go out to a fancy restaurant instead, because I'm no master chef." The sphinx moves a brazier over on the floor, where the tile beneath it sinks into the ground. "Everyone tastes slightly different. Some good, some bad, and some...unique. Humans are typically juicy and satiating unless they've been doing some serious shit. Goblins are stringy and a bit sour, but they like to paint themselves and that leaves a bad aftertaste. Halflings...I haven't had those in a long time. They're smart, and know when to quit."
She sets up a spit roast over the fire and mounts some strips of flesh on it. "You can have some of this, if you're fine with being a cannibal."

"huh? wuts a cannibal? I think I once knew a guy named Hannibal. Man, dese rhymes."
Jorah glimpses at the flesh on a the spit roast.

"I wonder how I taste... Probably like magic grass and mushrooms! yey, mah favez!"

Jorah walks over to the fire and curiously pokes Gray's carcass as it cooks on the spit roast before licking his finger.

"So, what's your favorite thing to eat at a fancy restaurant? You mentioned you go out to eat sometimes."

She thinks for a moment. "Crabs. Definitely crabs. Most of my usual haunts are nowhere near the sea, so it's kind of hard to get them. Oh, but when they do, when the fresh crabs are steamed and the seasoning is just right..." She gestures with her paws to describe the perfection.
"Twolegger restaurants only serve the small kind, cuz they're too scared to try to catch the big ones."

"oh wow! someone once complimented me about my crabs! I'm not really sure why though, since it's not like I had any to eat."

Jorah gestures to the cloth wrapping the sphinx creature.

"So, is that like some sort of comfortable sleeping clothing? How did you end up getting it. I need summa dem snuggly jammies"

"Oh, this nice lady made it for me a while ago. It's more of an all purpose kinda thing, you know? She showed me some snug pajama type pieces too, said it was gonna revolutionize clothing or something. Staying warm while still being able to use your hands is pretty cool, I guess? I wouldn't know." The sphinx holds up her paws.
"I really liked the second one she made, that had a nice shade to it. She didn't seem too bright, but somehow she answered all three riddles correctly on the first try."

"Wow! that sounds... FABULOUS"

Jorah hyperextends his fingers and places them on his cheeks while making a truly fabulous expression



"You've gotta let me see dem, preezu!"

Jorah looks down at his own clothing.
"Also, do you happen to have the designer's name? I need a wardrobe rennovation."

Jorah thinks to himself for a moment.
"I also need a wardrobe!"

"Sorry, you can't see them anymore. They didn't fit me so she took them with her when we split. Now, I'm sure you can- WHOA!"

Parts of the carcass have suddenly begun jerking and wriggling frantically. The unmarred skin has taken on a Grayish hue and the entrails appear to have shriveled up and blackened over the course of the conversation, far faster than the spit roast could have burned them. The eyeballs twitch in their sockets and a faint hissing sound is emitted from ruined windpipe.
The sphinx watches this for a moment, frowning, then starts jabbing everything with her claws. After a few seconds she stops, seeing that all movement from the body parts has ceased.

"Ooookay. That was weird. Kinda gross, too. Any idea on what just happened? He was your buddy, after all."

Jorah puts on a puzzled expression.
"Wait, so you're telling me that he's not good to eat anymore?!?!?!"

Jorah walks over, pokes gray's mangled carcass, and licks his finger to do a taste test.

Jorah's tongue takes off a mixture of grease, blood, and sweat. It's...more bland than the human flesh he's tasted before, but that could be because everyone tastes a little different as the sphinx said. Who knows for sure?

"I'm definitely not eating it. You can have it all if you want."

"I guess he was a boring guy at heart. That's why he wasn't interested in shrooms or magic grass. I guess that's also why he's so bland. Do you have any seasoning? Also, are you sure you don't want any? I know u got dat butt fetish gurrr"

Jorah grabs what remains of Gray's butt and holds it out to the sphinx creature.

Out all his body parts Gray's butt appears to have shrunken the most, resembling that of a malnourished elephant. The sphinx shakes her head with disgust.

"Nuh uh. Dat ass got no fat. Doesn't even look like one anymore. As for seasoning, I got some paprika and some Swaggafid shit."

"Aw man, I'm not a fan of paprika or shit. On the topic of yo butt fetish, where did u git dem butt pix?"

"Pix? What do you mean by 'dem butt pix'? I don't have any pixies if you're referring to those."

Jorah points to the murals of the prostrating humans, regal sphinx creatures, and horny celestial beings.
"DEM butt pix"

"Ohhhh, those. They were there when I got here. That was a while ago."

"Oh wow. That's not as fascinating as I was hoping it would be."

Jorah looks disappointed
"So how and when did you come by this place? Why do you guard this place and ask people these riddles?"

"Wow, that's a lot. It's a long story, and I wanna find some better food, so I'll pass on that for now. Do you have an answer yet?"

"Oh hey, if you're hungry I can go and get some cheesy poofs and come back. I'll try to bring some new friends too, if you don't like how the poofs taste. The first question was answered correctly so I can dipset, right?"

"Yeah you could have left then, but you chose to stay. Once you've agreed to try the next one, you can't leave until it's been answered. That's how it is."

"wut, but u never told me that before"

Jorah looks disappointed.
"That sounds like something Gray would've said when stuff wasn't going his way."

The sphinx raises her eyebrows in amusement. "Well, you didn't ask. This is a battle of wits after all. Who's Gray?"

Jorah points to the blackened carcass on the ground
"That's Gray."

Jorah crosses his arms in dat b-boy stance.
"Well, why would I need to ask when in your 'ominous introduction' thing you already said that I'd be free to go after the first question? Aren't you just being a sneaky person das not nice like Gray here?"

"Welll...um." The sphinx falls into a glum expression, as if trying to think around something, but there is only one conclusion to that something, and it's really short. "Eeeehhh....what's wrong with being a sneaky person, eh?"

"but, i thot that's y Gray iz kill! bcuz u didn't liek him being duh sneek! i no understand. if fun, y kill?"

"Man, you're talking like a baby. Or, you think I'm a baby? Killing is fun too. And he had it coming since he got it wrong."

Jorah sighs a disappointed sigh.
"Man, I thought you were going to be someone I could get along with. Alright I'll answer your riddle. Just promise you'll gimmie the answer to one last question, preezu."

A low harmonic humming begins to fill the chamber. The sphinx pauses for a moment, the gears in her head turning.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'Coin' : 1

She appears to settle into a state of calm.
"Alriiight, I guess it is pretty unfair to throw in that condition by surprise. Heat of the moment and all. You can leave if you want, but if you come back we have to do this all over again. How does that sound?"

Jorah spaces out for several seconds. Drool visibly drips down from his lips.
"eh......... ok."

Jorah goes leaves and goes towards the wagon.
"I'll be sure to bring cheesy poofs if I come back; I'm not too sure I wanna come back now tho."

"Thanks for offering." The sphinx touches the armrest, and the stone door leading back out rises up.
Jorah walks back across the corpse bridge and into the sunlit glade, where horse and wagon sit. It seems all of Gray's vast fortune now falls to him, should he choose to take it.

"Man, I'm hungry"
Jorah, as best as his directional sense can guide him, heads back to the town with the cheesy poofs using the wagon with all of Gray's stuff.

Jorah retraces the route back to the village as best he can, and once again encounters a choice at the river. Will he take the ford, or the bridge?