Forced RPG

This is a quick start Forum RPG, anyone can join immediately, no questions or confusion. I'm just doing this because I want to GM something faster than RB/whatever it's called now. If you post right now you will pop into existence in the starting scenario, if you come at a later time then you can either jump into whatever someone else is doing or pop at the start location, but make sure your 'entry' fits the situation.

Rules: Assume the universe works roughly like it does in real life, with some fantasy or sci-fi elements. I am lazy and don't want to make this too much like pathfinder or D&D so for events with an element of chance I'll either arbitrarily decide what happens or flip a coin, or do something completely different (like my perverted references) depending on the case. If you absolutely must ask questions or OOC stuff put it in spoilers.
Most importantly, the game will end once all players have either died, gotten stuck in an infinite loop(ex. eternal torture, time warp), or accomplished a 'Good End', a goal which is decided by each individual. You are not required to pick one, or any, for that matter.
Good Ends include the following: (not listed in a particular order)

• Defeating an archnemesis
  
• Realizing who you truly are and living the life you want to live
  
• Becoming a man or achieving mental/social maturity.
  
• Getting laid married to your harem one true love.
  
• Atypical "Happily Ever After" scenario
  
• Heroic Sacrifice/Martyrdom (basically you die except it was for a good reason)
  
• Conquering a place or becoming a ruler.
  
• Religious fulfillment.
  

Note that other players can pull you back into the game from a Good End, or you can choose to leave it, though I don't know why you would.

The Starting Scenario: You are standing around in a vague group with the other members of this forum who are participating. You are a normal human being with an appearance that you should probably describe in your first post. Your possessions are only the clothes on your back (or maybe not even that, your outfit, your choice) and a single item(it can be anything you want valued $50 or less in real life). The setting is a flat, reddish brown plain with some grassy patches, devoid of life besides your 'companions'. You can glimpse what seems like a faint dirt road in the distance, and a shimmering blue patch in the other direction. The bright sun is directly overhead.What wouldst thou deau?

I purchase a tome of magic with my 50 and open it.

OOC: There is no purchasing involved, you are assumed to have this item with you already.

You open up your Tome of Magic and find "three new kinds of magic that you can integrate easily into any Dungeons & Dragons® campaign. These magic 'subsystems' function alongside the existing D&D® magic system and offer new game mechanics, character options, and adventure possibilities. Within this tome you’ll find three new standard classes–one for each new kind of magic–as well as new spells, feats, prestige classes, monsters, and magic items tied thematically to each."
It appears to be for 3rd edition, although you really aren't sure how it is going to help you in the current situation.

spawn with a kukri (yea dats rite, it's under $50). walk over to the shimmering blue patch and see if there r any vegetation/plants. then check my status/how im feeling (am i feeling sick, tired, hungry, etc)

spawn with 50 (2-4 bucks apiece on the street) roofies, hoping to use them on any wayward lolis I may encounter.

itsame273 wrote:spawn with a kukri (yea dats rite, it's under $50). walk over to the shimmering blue patch and see if there r any vegetation/plants. then check my status/how im feeling (am i feeling sick, tired, hungry, etc)

@Kai-Wario: God dam you online sales. You start checking yourself over for your 'status', making sure to do a thorough inspection of your body. You take out a scrap of paper displaying your results.

stats:

You feel fine right now, but you will probably be hungry in the next hour. You walk towards the shimmering blue, which will take enough time that someone else will have done something. That's your cue, someone else. Do something.

also post your dam descriptions sometime this week

Using my tomahawk, I hack off sandow's head and share his roofies with Kai-Wario and Mikey.

Ok people our first event of chance. What does sandow do in response? What do the rest of you do? These factors influence the chance of success in some myriad way that I can't understand but will make a poor arbitrary decision on.

I lie on the ground and play dead.

While sandow lies "dead" I stuff a roofie in his mouth and force him to swallow

A strange girl with pink hair (recently dyed my hair) and brown eyes wearing a white long sleeved blouse, a black jeans and a pair of cross country shoes, sits indian style on the grass ignoring the men slaughtering there teammate. She has a small staffsword at her feet and a piece of paper. If one looks at the piece of paper you would see the following:

World Domination plans:
1) Go on an adventure with guys and survive. (most important)
2) Write porn novellas about adventure.
3) ???
4) PROFIT!

With a grin she nods to herself then throws the paper aside then looks at the scene in front of her a smile on her face.

@xenoe: Do you proceed with hacking his head off?

@itsame273: You walk over to the shimmering blue, which turns out to be a simple gray stone pedestal with a vibrant blue crystal embedded on top of it. Strange airwaves seem to emanate from the crystal. You see a pattern engraved on the pedestal that looks like this:

Engraving:

Bored with sitting around she picks up her small staffsword and gets up looking at the team killing scene once more. After a few seconds she walks around the area looking for anything of value to sell at a market.

OOC: Finally a topic I can edit freely with admin powers!

You see some rocks lying on the ground. They might have some market value, but you wouldn't know because you aren't a geologist.

make dramatic sentimental scene and say "FUUUUUUUUUUU IT WASN'T WATER!!!". proceed to take the crystal and observe my surroundings... EVERY SINGLE MINUTE DETAIL, EVEN powerofpoo I ALREADY KNOW LOLOLOL (more work for u Kooay)

Picking up the rocks she throws two of them one at Kai-Wario and one at sandow then pockets a five more.

Stops hacking sandow's head off, and runs towards the crystal, HACKS IT TO BITS! and eat the bits.

protect my crotch from the rocks and just tank it while continuing to observe surroundings

She shakes her head. "Um guys I don't know about you but shouldn't we be doing something besides team killing. Like going on an adventure?"

itsame273 wrote:make dramatic sentimental scene and say "FUUUUUUUUUUU IT WASN'T WATER!!!". proceed to take the crystal and observe my surroundings... EVERY SINGLE MINUTE DETAIL, EVEN powerofpoo I ALREADY KNOW LOLOLOL (more work for u Kooay)

You observe the pedestal the details of which I have already relayed, behind you can see your companions crouching over sandow's prone body with an axe and a bag. Looking behind the pedestal, you see another shimmering blue patch, this one looks more like water. You try to pull the crystal from the pedestal but it is stuck tight.

Xenoe wrote:Stops hacking sandow's head off, and runs towards the crystal, HACKS IT TO BITS! and eat the bits.

Slamming your tomahawk into the crystal leaves only a small chip in it. This could take a while...

kaede wrote: "Um guys I don't know about you but shouldn't we be doing something besides team killing."

Team? What team? Also you can't pocket every single rock, there are too many so you carry what you can.

Eat the chips as they fall out, delicious.

suggest forming a team. suggest starting to explore before we all die of hunger. suggest keeping sandow's dead body to use as a test subject for traps or wutever (hopefully some1 can obtain necromancerish powers so we won't have to carry him).

A 21 year old version of Amos appears! modified to sit like a normal sheath, his http://www.trueswords.com/battle-ready-cyborg-ninja-sword-full-tang-back-sheath-p-6332.html sits ready at his waist.

I look around at my surroundings, paint me a picture narrator.

kaede wrote:"Like going on an adventure?"

At this phrase a certain image magically pops into everyone's head

Spoiler:

itsame273 wrote:suggest forming a team. suggest starting to explore before we all die of hunger. suggest keeping sandow's dead body to use as a test subject for traps or wutever (hopefully some1 can obtain necromancerish powers so we won't have to carry him).

sandow is not quite dead, depending on how many times felix hit him before stopping. nice suggestions though.

@amos: it kinda looks like this except there's no river or cars.

Spoiler:

I suggest we kill the runt because we will have to feed him if we drag him a long with us.

*laughs at the picture of the disapointed woman and nerdy hustband that magically popped into every1's head
"im sure sandow would b happy to oblige... not sure if that's good for his health tho.... i also agree with amos"

I approach his body, draw my sword, and attempt to do inflict an incision on his jugular

She looks up at the sky and shakes her fist at it.

She then gets up slinging her staffsword over her back and looks at the boys. "Well what shell we do? Humiliate the little boy further or team up and do something?"

"Humiliate him? The bleeding that should happen soon makes it seem like he is dead. Anyways, lets get a move on, I feel like destiny is calling to me."

She grins at what he says. "Yes lets gather up these others then drag them off." She takes the staffsword off of her back and points it ahead of her. "To adventure! And world domination."

His jugular vein slit, sandow bleeds to death in a short time (about 2 minutes, but none of you brought a timepiece so you don't know that) forming a small pool of blood around his head and neck. This will be a welcome surprise to whoever arrives next.

Upon closer inspection, Kai-Wario finds a small button on the pedestal. Above it is an electronic indicator saying "Extra Charges: 1".

"so where we gonna start walking off to... also do u guys think this button is safe?"

OOC: THE SUN IS MAH TIMEPIECE BOI!

Push the button, like a man, while still eating those crystal chips.

"Don't know lets just go in any random direction and something will eventually happen. That is how these things work right?"

Xenoe wrote:Push the button, like a man, while still eating those crystal chips.

Repeatedly hacking away at the crystal has tired out your arms, forcing you to stop and rest for a few minutes. Those crystal chips cannot possibly be good for your digestion. With the remainder of your strength, you press the button. This causes a giant shockwave to visibly ripple out from the crystal, which can be felt by everyone present. The earth begins shaking. The chips and flaws you created in the crystal start sparking as if it were malfunctioning. Just so you know, if it were malfunctioning something really troll would happen when the button was pressed.

Michael whined about what I originally intended to happen so I'm changing it, just wait

The Flying Spaghetti Monster takes pity on Sandy for his early demise and allows him to remain in the game as a ghost. As a ghost, you can choose one player to haunt, allowing you to follow, observe, and speak to that player wherever he or she may go, but you cannot directly influence the physical world or interact with any other player. The Flying Spaghetti Monster regrettably neglected to tell you whether this was temporary or permanent and how long it would last.

The vibrations in the earth cease as everyone hears a voice in their head: "For I am the LORD thy ADMINGOD, as I giveth, and I taketh away." I Back at the starting location a loud pop is heard. A naked voluptuous young girl with supple, smooth ivory skin and dirty blonde hair materializes a few inches above the ground and falls on her posterior with a yelp. A small slip of paper falls to the ground beside her. She immediately curls up in an attempt to cover herself, looking around with wide, frightened hazel eyes.
"where- where is this place!?! who are you people?! wh-" She turns and upon seeing sandow's fresh corpse, emits a shrill scream.

slip of paper:

OOC: I changed it just for you, but don't expect such favors in the future.

"one of you yellow people, translate this" and anyways, I am getting a bit hungry, lets fvcking go already

"Too lazy do it yourself." She starts walking north looking for small animals to kill.

"bah fine, whatever" I head down the road that seems to be leading us onward.

You don't know which direction is north, you don't have a compass.

Still stiff from seeing the corpse, the girl frantically cries out. "hey! uh, someone, anyone, please tell me what's going on here!??!"

She turns back giving up on looking for food. As she passes by the lady she shrugs. "Hell if I know. Your welcome to come with us just take the clothes off of that dead body and follow us." She then takes off in the direction Amos went.

"hmmm perhaps it's best not to wear sandy's bloodsoaked clothes... you might get aids... here, you can have my jacket, I'm pretty sure it's large enough to cover most of your body... It seems you have no other choice but to come with us though... we don't seem to have much of an idea what's going on either... so... i guess we can find out together."

*carefully removes clothes from sandow and spreads a layer of dirt over it to absorb the blood and act as a shield (you can never be too safe when it comes to aids :O)

"I'll wash these when we get a chance"

*follows the path with the others

"It says virgin girl noobs"
Alright, now that I have had my delicious fill of chips, I pick up sandows body... AND HEAD TOWARDS THE OTHER SHIMMERING BLUE PATCH!

"uh....thanks...wait up!" The girl takes the jacket and wraps it around herself, standing up to be about 5'5".
"How did that,um, dead guy die?"

Xenoe wrote:AND HEAD TOWARDS THE OTHER SHIMMERING BLUE PATCH!

OH MY GOD WHAT A PLOT TWIST!!
And so the group parted ways, possibly never to meet again.

Felix:

Everyone else:

Drink some fresh shimmering water.
Skin and flay Sandow's flesh so that only his bones remain.
Sharpen one side of the Humerus into a sharp point with nearby rocks, and attach it to a wooden pole made from a nearby tree branch with strips of Sandow's skin and tendons from his arms.
Make a rudimentary shield with tons of branches, bound together with human skin and tendons.
Make a fire, and bake the tips of some more sharpened sticks to make basic short spears.
Run into the hut.

The empty hut is a bit larger than it appears on the outside. There are a few wooden chairs and metal hooks on the wall, probably for hanging clothing.

She takes one look at the hobo and shrugs. "I say we mug him. anyone else agree?"

Raid for pots and pans and other survival equipment.

"he reminds me of myself in a different life...... duh rurrrrrrbrakkkkkkkaaa? idk im prolly spouting nonsense... sure lets mug him"

@felix: you find nothing in the hut or surrounding area save some dried animal bladders.