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Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-08-30, 22:03

Jorah takes out his broken sword and stabs downwards at the face, leaving the blade a few inches away from actually touching the mithril armor.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-08-30, 22:49

"Yow! Whass wrong witchu? Why you tryna drop me fo'? Shieeett, I never did nothin' wrong. That song made me think o' some weird cracker. Listen, you don't like me, just leave me 'lone."
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-08-30, 22:58

"I want to know the truth. Why did you want us to seek out this wizard?"
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-08-31, 10:19

"Ain't gonna lie mayne, that wizard iz loaded wi' kush. But fo' real, I tryna nab his dank magyyks. Git mah powah from duh magyyks. Mo' magyyks, mo' powah."
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-08-31, 10:43

Jorah narrows his eyes and stares at the mithril for a moment before asking:
"How do we know you aren't a minion of the wizard? How do we know that you aren't trying to spread the wizard's influence through dank magics in order to control an army to do his bidding? Based on what you did to me, I'd assume that's what you're trying to do."
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-08-31, 12:06

"Why so serious mayne? I ain't workin fo no wizard! Dese questions so hard...I...I think I'm gon sleep..."
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-08-31, 19:26

Jorah turns to Gray
"wutchu think about dis, bruh?"
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-01, 21:05

"Hmmm, well we've already spent so much time here, might as we check it out before we go back to civilization."

Gray urges the wagon forward.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-01, 21:58

"ye tru. Maybe we should put the mithril in a bag or something though, so he can't touch anyone else and pull a fast one on us"
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-02, 08:01

You run into a pack of orcs...and they look HUNGRY!
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-02, 10:41

"Uh, hello gentlemen. Could I interest you in some food?"

Gray tries to communicate in the most universally understood tongue he can think of while motioning towards some bread rations in his hands.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-02, 20:27

The orcs conduct a short discussion among themselves. They snatch up the rations and gobble down in seconds what would have lasted Gray a whole day, and then look at le merchant expectantly. "Oar?" one of them says.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-03, 17:28

Gray offers another day's worth, and then sadly shakes his head.
"I'm sorry gentlemen, but that is the last of my rations."
He tries to act as sincere as possible while shortchanging the orcs.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-03, 17:29

Jorah sits quietly and tries not to alert the orcs to the cheesy poofs.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-03, 18:52

They consume another day's rations and have an interesting sounding discussion.
One of them hands Gray two long-stalked mushroom heads, after which they all walk away.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-03, 23:14

[Jorah attempts to ascertain what psychedelic effects these mushrooms have, if any]
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-04, 17:50

Jorah determines they will certainly have psychedelic effects, although there's only one way to find out for sure.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-06, 11:05

"These'll work well in soup; let's make some sometime"

Jorah lets out a massive fart

"yo bruh, lets take a break for a bit. I gotta take a dump."

Jorah looks for something that might help him dig a hole, grabs it, and hops off the volkswagon while stealthily grabbing one of the shrooms.
He then goes to find a somewhat private but close location where he can take a shit in peace while keeping track of anything that might be going in with the wagon.
When he arrives, he digs a small hole and proceeds to take his dump.


Last edited by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-07, 00:34; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-07, 00:33

Rummaging through the wagon, Jorah finds only a few items that are even remotely suited to digging holes: The swaggafid knife, the rawhide shield, and the trolltooth dagger.

And, of course, Carlito.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-07, 00:35

Jorah decides to take the rawhide shield as a digging tool.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-07, 12:10

"If you're going to take a dump in my shield I would suggest you dig a hole somewhere with a stick instead."

Gray yells after Jorah as hes leaving.

"There's one over there!"
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-07, 12:16

"oooo, gud idea bruh. I'll do that then."
Jorah puts the shield back and proceeds with his plans using a stick instead.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-07, 23:38

Jorah takes a bite of the mushroom as he proceeds to the dig site. He begins to carve out a niche in the ground, a perfect receptacle for the heavy load he must dispose of. The deadwood stick quickly becomes soiled, although not in the same way that the hole is about to be.

Dis gon b gud, Jorah thinks as he lowers his pants and positions himself above the small pit. With the same glee as the black man with a chair that strangely popped into his head, he squats down, breathes in and musters his bowel muscles for some MOVEMENT.
A deep rumbling emanates from within.
Jorah lets rip another fart, louder than the first.
A portent of the coming release. No more shall the booty be firing blanks.
He sees his surroundings intensify, bright colors becoming brighter, dank colors becoming danker.
A great rustling begins all around Jorah.
He looks around, but all he can see are the swaying leaves of the bushes. The bushes, that could hide anything. Anything at all.
He yearns to see what it could be, but he cannot move.
He must not abandon his post. He cannot leave the jungle.
A part of you never leaves the jungle.
Look...if you had...one shot...
But the eagle...the eagle has left the nest.
He feels its passage through the tubes of his body.
It's happening.
Jorah's exposed posterior circumference dilates, ready to deliver its refined package.
It's happening.
A chocolatey tip breaches the threshold, signaling the end...of the beginning...of the end.
Nothing can go wrong now. IT'S COMING!
p- p- POO POO'S COMING!

The heir of Cabot drops a massive deuce. Is this it?
Is this his chocolate d-
No. It is only the first of many to come.
Jorah braces himself.
His fists are clenched.
His palms are sweaty.
His knees weak.
Arms are heavy.
There's pasta in this pit already?
MOM'S SPAGHETTI
MOM'S SPAGHETTI
Rainbows arc through the sky, and Jorah loses himself in the moment as he unloads an unending waterfall of spaghetti from his anus.
Torrents of spaghetti spew forth his mouth, his nose, his ears, even his pockets. Warm pasta extrudes from every orifice, every pore in his body.
He claims this land, he OWNS it. The water rises, and spaghetti of every shape and color swirls around Jorah in an ever-expanding vortex.

Solemnly chanting, the trees themselves prostrate their asses in awe of their newfound messiah.
In their tongue he is fertilizerkin....SPAGHETTIBORN!!
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-08, 21:11

Jorah finishes up his shit, fills in the hole, and walks towards the wagon in an aloof yet swiggity swoogity manner befitting of a spaghettiborn.
After reaching the wagon, Jorah climbs aboard the volkswagon such that he just barely climbs on and lands on his back.
In a zoned out tone, Jorah says:
"I have returned. Fuck you Kelvin, I am spaghettiborn. You can't handle the spaghetti."
Jorah thrusts his hands in the air and waves them like he just doesn't care.
In the same worn out tone, Jorah exclaims:
"Yeah. Spaghetti arms, bitch. Leggo."
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-08, 21:24

"Are you alright Jorah?"

Gray pretends to care, but secretly grabs the other mushroom and stuffs it into his bag to prevent Jorah from eating it.

"Well if you say so, I guess we shall go onward."
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-08, 21:43

"Yeah boiii, I'm tha king of da world. No one can stop my spaghetti! not even Kelvin's entropy."
Jorah sits up and stares out the wagon as it moves.
"You know, you should really lighten up sometime. There ain't much good shit in dis world, but that shouldn't stop you from having fun times. We aren't in any deep shit right now mayne. Those orcs were even nice enough to give us these shrooms. Try it out, brother."
Jorah continues staring at the moving scenery for around 3 more seconds and then turns to face Gray.
"Don't let your dreams be dreams. Just do it."
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-08, 21:50

Gray thinks for a moment, but decides that the idea is unwise to be inebriated with unknown substances.

"If its so relaxing, then you must relax some more, I insist."

He instead, in a stroke of genius, stuffs the other mushroom right into Jorah's gaping mouth whole while his motor skills are still impaired from the earlier mushroom.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-08, 21:56

With the mushroom still in his mouth, Jorah replies
"bruh, if u don't want it just say so. I'd rather save this for another time mayne. Don't wanna waste it all now"
Jorah fumbles with his fingers to get the mushroom out of his mouth and dries it off with his shirt.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-09, 10:01

Using the uninhibited power of rainbow spaghetti, Jorah wisely conserves the rest of his mushroom.

The wagon encounters a fork in the road. It is shiny, and has four tines.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-09, 13:51

Gray, having nothing better to do after traveling for hours with nothing exciting happening, prods the fork with his saber to see if it will talk like carlito.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-09, 18:28

Nothing happens. Upon closer inspection Gray determines the fork is made of tin.

But up ahead, there lies a true fork in the road. It splits cleanly into two paths, one veering off to the left and the other at an equal angle to the right. Each path has a wooden sign posted next to it. The left sign reads "Path 1" and the right, surprisingly enough, reads "Path 0". A third sign is planted in between them, on which is written the following: "There were supposed to be two guards standing here that you could ask some annoying questions to, but I couldn't pay their salary so they quit to work for some stupid witch instead. Oh well, good luck!"
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-09, 19:42

"I guess we should toss a coin and decide which way to go. Lets say heads for left and tails for right"
Jorah tosses a coin.
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Post by testuser on 2015-09-09, 19:42

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'Coin' : 2

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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-11, 01:58

"Looks like it's tails. You all right with going right, bruh?"
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-11, 13:29

Gray checks to see which direction the fork is pointing.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-11, 13:58

Alas, as Gray immediately began prodding the fork there's no way of knowing its original position, but it currently points back the way he came.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-11, 15:29

Gray tries hard to recall what saw seconds before.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-11, 17:43

As he was more preoccupied with whether it would talk to him or not, Gray believes it was pointing in roughly the opposite direction.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-11, 18:53

"Hmm, how bout this."

Gray slings the fork onto the wagon next to Carlito, and marches his wagon between the two roads.

"Lets go for some off road adventures."
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-11, 22:41

"oooooooooo, sounds fun"
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-12, 14:30

The wagon's progress is slightly impeded by the undergrowth of the forest, but after about half an hour Gray and Jorah reach a small grassy clearing. A small step pyramid sits in the middle, its weathered stones overgrown with vines.
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There is a small recess in the side facing the party, which forms a dark corridor leading into the pyramid.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-12, 15:15

"ooooooo spooky, wanna explore? or should we continue towards duh weezard?"
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-13, 16:48

"Sure, lets take carilto with us."

Gray stuffs carlito into a sack through indirect manipulation, and grabs a few necessities such as food and matches before heading into the pyramid with Jorah.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-13, 17:35

Jorah and Gray proceed into the dark corridor, which angles downward at a very forgiving slope. The ambiance changes to that of a cavern, and a soft dripping can be heard. Soon the light from the entrance is almost gone, and the expanse ahead is pitch black.
Judging from the sound of the air currents, the corridor likely widen outs into a larger chamber up ahead.
Squinting into the darkness, one could even glimpse a faint speck flickering in the distance, like the light at the end of the tunnel. Or at least, a light at the end of a tunnel.

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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-14, 01:42

Gray carefully paces ahead to check it out.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-14, 13:47

Jorah tries to stay close to Gray.
"dang, izreel spooky up in dis hizao."
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-15, 11:34

Gray takes slow, feather light steps into the darkness. An irrational fear begins to gnaw at him as he leaves the last vestige of the surface light behind, making each step more difficult to take than the last. But he knows there is definitely something there at the far end, so he continues despite the mounting fear, with Jorah's not very reassuring presence following close behind.

Finally, he seems to have entered the larger chamber at the end of the corridor, although just how large it is cannot be discerned aurally. The surface feels smooth and unweathered. He takes another step. As soon as he touches his foot down, the floor begins to sink under even the minute weight Gray is applying. The two hear what sounds like creaking for a split second. Gray immediately withdraws his foot, his heart pounding as his imagination runs wild with possibilities.
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2015-09-15, 11:39

While still hiding behind Gray, Jorah begins singing
[Law the Zeroth: Thermal Equilibrium]
and alternates every other verse with
[Law the First: Energy is Conserved]

While singing, Jorah also tries to find out what the sound is coming from.
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Post by Xenoe on 2015-09-15, 11:47

Gray lights a match to examine the floor in front of him.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-15, 12:34

Jorah's singing makes his presence slightly more assuring, but it is offset by the eerie echoes of his voice off the chamber walls.

Also echoed is the sound of the match being struck, and Gray squats down to cast its meager light on the floor. Right in front of where he is standing the unmarked stone floor abruptly gives way to blue and yellow floor tiles, each about 6 inches square. Thin line gaps separate each tile from its neighbors, and at every intersection there is a circular hole about 1 inch in diameter.


Last edited by Corenat Rovarnus on 2015-09-15, 12:45; edited 1 time in total
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