Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

"hey mayne, having too much danger is just strait masochism tho."
Jorah follows what Gray's doing.

Gray proceeds to construct his bridge of flesh with Jorah helping to carry the bodies into the pyramid. Soft squishing sounds echo through the chamber as the two step onto the spike ridden remains of Phyllis and then Lesly. Gray aligns Harold's feet with Lesly's head, then lets the body fall in a neat 90 degree arc to achieve optimal body to tile coverage.
*snikt* *snikt* snikt*
The process is repeated with Agnes' body, although since it's missing a head it doesn't quite reach the other side, leaving a roughly 1 tile gap before the regular stone floor resumes. Gray cautiously extends his foot up and over the gap to test it. Finding it safe, he moves off the corpse and back onto solid ground. He now stands before a tall rectangular doorway. The light in the distance resolves into the red flame of a large, wide brazier.

Jorah wonders why he isn't going across with Grey.
After staring into the distance for a few seconds, Jorah boldly steps across the same way Grey did.
Once he is able to see the red light in the distance, Jorah exclaims:
"Das ominous, bruh."

Jorah clenches his fists at his sides.
"Man, this place brings back some bad memories."

Gray waits for Jorah to cross over(to the other side hur hur hur), and then carefully examines his surroundings carefully.

The two men are now on equal footing, literally.
Gray looks around. The walls on this side have the same kind of bizarre murals on them, but at least there aren't any more spooky skellingtons. The dim light of his torch isn't enough to see much of anything in the other room, but there is definitely a floor, and it looks safe to stand on. After a few minutes of quiet observation Gray notices a faint but regular rhythm pulsating through the air, almost like something breathing.

Gray slowly creeps forward with a lit torch, smacking the tiles in front of him with his sword scabbard like a blind man to check for traps.

Jorah looks on with confusion and asks, "yo, u blind bruh? y u actin liek u blind, mayne?"

Tap, tap, tap. Gray's scabbard hits solid stone every time. He enters the room with his confused companion in tow. The area around the door is a small basin of sorts, like the pit of an amphitheater. A polished floor rises around it via two shallow steps, the edges of which are gilded.
As Gray moves to step up, his feet and Jorah's are suddenly outlined in a green, otherworldly green light, somehow emitted from the floor. He whirls around to see a stone slab falling in the doorway, runes glowing on the arch in the same color as the light.
*thunk* The slab hits the floor, sealing their only way out.

A very strange alarm echoes through the room.

"Ugh... that sign was supposed to get me a few more decades of sleep..." The voice is feminine, though with a subtle deepness.
*click* The alarm is cut short.

Orange flames roar to life in wide braziers much like the first one around the room, illuminating murals of red, blue and yellow adorning the high walls and ceiling.
On a raised pedestral beneath the first brazier is what appears to be a golden sofa, it's now shining armrests curling up on either side.

Upon the sofa rests a peculiar creature draped in white cloth, with the body of a lion but the head of a woman. A dirty blond mane streams from the scalp onto her back, where it splits into two ponytails held together by twisted brass triangles. Groaning, she rolls off the sofa to land on all fours. The various trinkets secured around her neck and legs jingle as the beast shakes her head. She looks over the awestruck Gray and Jorah with annoyance.

"Since you got this far you probably know how this goes. So who the jizz are you, and do you accept the challenge?"

"gurrr, u tired or sum shiet. go bak to slep"

"Yeah I will, after I'm done with you guys, one way or the other. So what'll it be?"

Jorah turns to consult Gray.
"Wutchu wanna do, bruh?"

"What are... the terms of the challenge so to speak?" Gray asks, slowly eyeing for exits around the room.

"on a scale of one to ten, how fun would you describe the challenge to be?"

On the far wall Gray sees a similar doorway to the one he came through, but it is closed off as well. To his right a brazier lights a mural of a person with an expression of utmost relief, directly below which is a large square hole in the floor he could probably fit through.
"I'm surprised you don't know, being all smarty and ignoring my sign," she says in a bemused tone. "Maybe I'll let you figure it out yourself? ...Nah, that would take too long. It's simple: I give you thr-"
She holds up a paw. "Oh wait, I've rehearsed this. Ahem." Her voice gets all grave and serious.

"In my lair you face riddles three,
Answer the first will set you free.
But if your coin doesn't fill your britches,
Answer the second grants untold riches.
And the one who truly wishes to assert their pride
Answers the third to win a steady guide."

"As for the sad-looking man's question, it's fun. Verrry fun." She makes a toothy grin.

Jorah looks around the room as though searching for something.
Jorah then pauses to think for a moment.
Suddenly, a surprised and angry expression pops up on his face.
"Hey! I'm not a sad-looking man."
Jorah turns to Gray
"Do I look like a sad-looking man?"
Without waiting for a response, Jorah turns to the woman headed lion.
"NO! I am not a sad-looking man. I look fun. I'm aaaaallll about dat fun. You can't tell me I look sad!!!"
Jorah attempts to mimic the creature's toothy grin while trying not to look angry.
"See! I'm fun! You need some fun in your life little miss lion with a human head and all dat bling. If all you do is sleep and practice that 'ominous' line all the time, just so you can ask random peeps some 'riddles three', I can't imagine you having any fun whatsoever. You gotta really seize the moment, ya know! Why don't you come travel with us and troll sum scrubs. It'll be fun; I know I've been having fun."
Jorah turns to Gray
"Oh, hey. We should get some more of those mushrooms sometime. Those were great."

"Hmm, if you can figure out where to get them fine by me,"

Gray nods to his companion before turning to the beastly woman.

"Alright, madam, but erm is this like one of those so called game shows... where we get eaten if we answer the second riddle wrong, even if we got the first one right?"

"We just gotta find those friendly orc bros again."

"Sure, I guess those dried tears on your face must be from eating onions or something, right? And don't pretend you know my life story, I do other stuff too. I'mma call you teary man then. Teary man and bloody man. Okay bloody man, I'm not sure how you know about those 'game shows', but I'm feeling a bit more generous now. You get the first wrong answer for free and for each one after that I eat one of you."

"I'll have you know that these are tears from joyful laughter while I was hanging with my buds earlier... except for sandow, no one liked him. Alright, whatever. I guess I'll need to hang out with you more before you discover just how fun I can be, hmph"
Jorah thinks for a moment.
"Hey lady, if you're hungry then you should try out some cheesy poofs. You can find them at a store named 'photon camp'. They're the newest, most flavorful, extremely satisfying snack on the market! We can also get them for free!"

Jorah then comes to a stunning realization.
"We should also find that Frank Frill guy and create an innovative new product: the psychedelic cheesy poof! It would be like the cheesy poof but with those mushrooms in them as well."
Jorah nods with accomplishment and pulls up a hand as if he is expecting Gray to high-five him.

"Please enlighten me as to the first riddle, then."

"Eager to start huh? Here we go, riddle the first:"

There is a dead man in a locked room, hung by the neck on a rope attached to the ceiling. He is hanging 8 feet off the floor, but there's no furniture, and no one else could have entered the room. How could he have died?

"You can talk it over with each other, while you still can."
Lock in your response with [Final Answer]. Or just say it out loud.

"Just a quick question for clarity, my dear madam. Does a ladder count as furniture in this case?"

"Yup, there's no ladder. He's hanging in the middle of the room, which is maybe the size of this one?" She gazes upward into the darkness above.

"Hmm, what about windows in the room? And classically, is there any water underneath his body?"

"The windows can't be opened and there's no water under his body. Even if there was, it would go straight down the conveniently placed drain in the floor."
She then air-fives Jorah. "Didn't want to leave you hanging. Cheesy poofs huh? Never heard of those before. Guess you aren't as boring as I thought."

["It is clear then, that the man is one of proficient athletic ability. He merely slung the rope high up into the girder, and using a certain knot, created a rope with which he could use to climb to the ceiling. Then, upon securing himself to the support beam with one leg, created a noose for himself with the very rope he used to climb. Afterwards he looped the noose around his neck, and using the force of his fall, broke his neck and ended his own life, a far quicker, and more painless approach to suicide than asphyxiation."
Gray smile confidently,
"Am I correct my dear madam?"]

Jorah lowers his hand with an achieved look on his face.
"I'm glad you can see that I'm not a boring person!"
After hearing Gray's hypothesis, Jorah shows and impressed expression.
"dayum, son. Das sum nice deduction."

She opens her mouth...and stays that way for a couple seconds. "That's...not quite what I had in mind, but it could work...I've seen some shit. Crazy knots like you wouldn't believe. Alright, you win this round bloody man."
The creature runs a paw along the armrest of her sofa. A clear bell sounds.
"Riddle the first answered. You and cheesy poof dude are now free to leave unharmed. Unless of course, you want to stay for the next one."

"So, my friend, do you wish to continue for great riches? Either way I am here to stay." Gray asks Jorah.

"Dawg, I don't care about none of dem riches."
Jorah contemplates for a moment.
"If we answer the third riddle correctly, are you supposed to be our 'steady guide'? If so, I'm willing to stay so that you might join us. Although you sit upon your fancy golden sofa, you seem to be stuck doing some sort of job. I used to be in a similar situation. As such, I cannot leave any fellow fun-yearning person behind! By the way, I can't believe you haven't heard of cheesy poofs before! you've gotta try 'em."

"Alright, let us begin the second trial then," nods Gray.

"You're both staying? Great. Now for this next one I say 'I' a lot, but it's not actually me, okay? It's like, it's own thing, that you still have to guess. Riddle the second:"

I am a tide that rises and ebbs like the coming and going of the moons. I am a pearl of lost potential, a little miracle that could have been. What am I?

"I've always been more of a meat lover, but I'll give your poofs a try, cheesy dude."

Gray looks hesitant before speaking, "could it be the so called red tides? You know, a woman's monthly matters. I've heard some doctors speculate that the blood contains children not yet made."

Xenoe wrote:Gray looks hesitant before speaking, "could it be the so called red tides? You know, a woman's monthly matters. I've heard some doctors speculate that the blood contains children not yet made."

A cough. Her eyes bug out for a second, and then she bursts into uproarious laughter, rolling on the floor in semi-hysterics.
"Perün et dalâvar emés! I didn't think your culture had advanced that far. For a man to know of such things!"
Presently she recovers, and the clear bell sounds once more.
"Riddle the second answered. I thought that one would get you for sure, bloody man. Perhaps it's time to see the world again."
She resumes her stately posture from before.
"There's but one final round before you. Triple or nothing. So how about it bloody man, since uh, he seems to be pulling most of the mental muscle here. What's it going to be? Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?"

Jorah scratches his head
"eh"
...
...
"izconfuz"

Gray's smile, which had stiffened considerably after he gave his answer, once again loosened after hearing that the answer was correct.

"Indeed the world outside is vast, and its miracles. To have the company of a lady as delightful as you would be a great honor, I would like to challenge the third test."

"Oh, what flattery. Most visitors don't call me lady. We shall see. Anywho, without further ado, riddle the third:"

What is my favorite color?

Jorah looks around the room for clues and tries to read behind the lines if there are any alternative meanings that normies wouldn't understaaaaand

[Batshit Cray]

Jorah sees some of the murals depict rows of human figures lying prostrate before creatures like the one before them now, presenting their asses to the daytime sky. This could allow for ease of kicking, ease of groping, or perhaps the formation of a human centipede. In the sky hang several ass-tral bodies like the sun, moons, and stars, all of which have grotesque faces contorted into disturbing, prurient leers at the scenes down below.

Jorah unsuccessfully attempts to contain his laughter and smiles at the thought that sphinx-san has a low-key butt fetish.

"Why it must certainly be the most splendid color of the Sun. Its light gives birth to all things, and reflects into the viewers eyes what they desire most." Flourishes his hands while pointing in the direction of the ceiling.

She tilts her head, circles the sofa once. "Uh....what....okay first off, the sun is like, the source of light, so how could it reflect anything? It just blinds you, that's why roofs were invented. Second, the sun can be more than one color. I thought this would be easy, if you...ah, never mind." She shakes her head. "Anyway, I don't know what poofy dude is smiling about, but that's the wrong answer." She touches the other armrest, and a harsh buzz sounds.

"That was your freebie. Try again," she drawls with a toothy grin.

Gray looks visibly perplexed, "Oh, uh, I think my lady has misunderstood my intent. I was just trying to poetically express the fact that I thought the answer was golden yellow, like the sun is usually, excluding the particular moments when it is not."

"Poems can be nice, yeah, but you kinda need the actual answer in there. That was a shitty poem too. Anyways, it's still wrong."

Jorah points to the murals of the ass people and horny celestial beings.
"I know what it is gurrr. No need to be ashamed; you got dat phat butt fetish."

Suddenly Jorah breaks into dance while laughing hysterically, like he just can't contain himself.


... and begins to sing.
"You like big butts..."


"It's shit brown, isn't it," Jorah asks knowingly.

The sphinx chuckles. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?" "Heh...I won't deny that I got a thing for big butts, butt that's going a bit too far. Shit brown is incorrect." She hits the buzzer. "Okay then, that means one of you dies. So who's it gonna be? If it's too hard, I'll choose for you."

Gray sighs, "you were too quick on the draw my friend, although I suppose it must be fate. If it must be that one of us must die, I would say that a dice roll would be fairest right?"

Gray takes out his pistol, and brandishes around like it was some toy.
"I suppose it would a good chance to use my handy dandy dice rolling tube, pick three numbers my friend."

Gray attempts to wink at Jorah in the most inconspicuous way.

Jorah gets teary eyed.
"I never thought it would come to this. If I die, make sure sphinx-san gets to try out some cheesy poofs."

Jorah contemplates for a moment before bursting back into laughter.
"hahahahahhaah. dat butt fetish tho"

Jorah calms himself before choosing his numbers:
"I guess I'ma choose 2, 7, and 3."

"What? You don't need a tube to roll dice..."

"Why, you don't know my lady, don't you ever feel like your dice rolling skills just suck? Don't get that satisfying twirl, rather it just falls flat? Well since you've never seen one before I bet you'll marvel the perfect torque it puts on the dice," Gray lightly circulates the pistol as if there were really dice inside, takes a few steps closer to the Sphinx, and unleashes a shot at her chest at close range.