Bullshit RPG: Farm Boizzzz

"Driver, how long would it take to get to Abserrum?"

Jose chases after the running lizard man, and slaps him on the shoulder, gripping his shoulder in an iron pincer.

"I understand amigo, but yo soy tu comrade. I cannot stand the sight of a peoples oppressed, as it reminds me of mi amigos back at home."

Jose is visibly trying to hold back his shaking, but a manly tear escapes Jose's efforts, and rolls down his cheek.

Nikkolai arrives to a glorious realization.

YES. THE PEOPLE ARE BEING OPPRESSED. WE MUST RISE UP AND SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION. It is what GREAT MEN would do!



He grips Jose's shoulder and bends him over.

"WELL SAID, COMRADE! But first, we must make all men equal. You brought my ass to be stabbed. So shall I do for yours! Then, we will deliver these brave workers from oppression!"

He stabs Jose up the butt with any shaft-like object at hand. Otherwise, he stabs him up the butt with his foot.

Jose feels a great sense of camaraderie at Nikkolai's words, but his anal violation senses, trained from years of experience in central american prisons, start tingling.

He reflexively reaches out to block any incoming object to his butthole.

run boiz

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

'threeface' : 2

Pod and several other people in the town center gather around the Magyyk Man, pick him up, and toss him out the front door.
"That's what you git fer insulting our humble town. Go on an git 'fore we put a real beat'n on ya."

Jose chases the lizardman, but is only able to keep pace. Will he continue chasing? Find out on the next episode of Dragon... Ball... Z!


Russian Run & Kick Boiz
Hit: 3 (4 - 1 (gotta catch'm))

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

#1 'normal' :


--------------------------------

#2 'Coin' : 2

Nikolai runs after Jose, but is unable to catch up in order to shove his foot up his ass.
While running, a memory comes to Nikolai's mind.
It's a memory from not too long ago.
Back in that square room...
A polished rod sliding into Nikolai's rectum and putting pressure on his prostate.
It was a gentle but firm thrust.
Who was it that violated him...
Nikolai blinks, and in the split second of darkness, he sees the face of the Magyyk Man.

The wagon driver sees all this happening.
"Well, politics in this area are always weird, I guess."

The gnome notices that his human counterpart is entranced in the happenings around him and answers Emmilia in his stead.
"It'll take about a day and a half's ride to reach Abserrum."

Nikkolai mentally marks down the Magyyk Man as his next target for EQUALIZATION.

But first he must catch this Jose to make him a SOCIALIST WORKER.

Nikkolai applies his RIPPLING THIGHS to catch up to Jose and deliver him unto sweet, shafting justice.

Erghun-Rho returns with a bag over his shoulder and his staff at his side. He stands with the onlooking gnome, wagon driver and Emmilia.

"*cough* Are these thaat sow chaos attending on ouuur journey?"

"Damn, they must be mad that I found them out." Mistah Magyyk Man scratches his head. "Ah well, I guess it was time to get going anyhow."
He looks over the unfolding events and puffs with pride at the chase. "Yis, I see I've inspired two brave young men to follow my footsteps... they grow up so fast...*sniff*"
He dashes over to the folks at the wagon. "Hey! Mistah Bandage Man! Miss Magyyk Marm! I was wondering why you weren't following me. Have you found some real magicks?"

"I'm not paying for them it's up to them if they wanna come." She hands the gnome driver one of the leather pieces with a blue fifty stamp on it as fare for herself, the bandaged man and the magyyk man. "My good man, I would like three seats to Abserrum. Though it looks like one of us will have to be picked up as we leave."

(I believe I have 805 money left for this world.)

"Woohoo!" Mistah Magyyk Man gets on board with the magyyk marm's ROAD TRIP.

The gnome hands Emmilia 5 square leather pieces stamped with white ink and labelled 1.
"Here's your change. Enjoy the ride."

The gnome then tosses up a red ball which pops after reaching about 15 ft in the air. A 2 note chime sounds loudly such that everyone in the area can hear it, but softly enough so as to not be an annoyance.
The area above the wagon is then filled with some sort of red liquid which fluidly shift until it forms text, which reads:
"The ABS - Red Line to Abserrum will depart in 15 minutes."

As you three enter the wagon from a door in the back, you find several rows of seats split down the middle with an aisle, 2 seats on each side of it. The seats are spaced out somewhat tightly, but loosely enough that one wouldn't complain about not having any legroom. In addition, armrests separate the chairs directly next to each other. The seats themselves seem to have been carefully carved, though for function as opposed to style; the seats dip down slightly and the backs are curved as though to provide lumbar support.
The sides of the enclosed wagon are subject to some sort of magical charm that shows the outside world while still retaining the walls' wooden properties. Just above these "magical windows". Despite the wagon being entirely enclosed, the air inside doesn't seem to be stagnant, nor is the temperature different from that of the outside world.
Just above the windows are some stretchy nets, supported by wooden beams that run from the front of the wagon to the back of it.

The merchant who bought Emmilia's signet ring stumbles aboard the wagon as well, short of breath and holding several medium sized boxes which rest upon his somewhat plump stomach. His medium-long length brown hair is frazzled and slightly dripping with sweat.
"Oh, hey. It's you. What business y'all got in Abserrum?"

Also, I've updated your character sheet to keep track of your currency (only really affects Emmilia atm)

Erghun-Rho looks in wonder around the enchanted wagon and briefly wonders if magic imbued wood burns any differently from normal wood. He pushes the thought from his mind and refocuses on his newfound traveling companions. He speaks softly, only half caring whether or not he is heard.

"*cough* *cough* Ifff it would not be botttthersome to you it would ease me to to release my mouth coverings."

He tugs at the bandages wrapped across his mouth and vomits out a pile of dry 'ash'. One uncomfortably long coughing fit later he regains his composure and sweeps some the 'ash' into a small pile.

"Yes, conntinnue do nott mind mee."

"WOW! Magyyk windows!" Mistah Magyyk Man squats around the interior. He's seen more luxurious* "wagons" before elsewhere, but it's a refreshing change from the mostly magyyk-devoid town of swindlers.
"Damn danielMistah Bandage Man, I didn't know you was a recreational puker! You shoulda told me, we coulda gotten you an official frying pan and everything. Oh well, this is the best I can do for now." He deposits a small dollop of peanut butter on the ash pile.

The Magyyk Man then continues to investigate, seeing what sort of sorcery is keeping the air fresh.

*at least they were before he got on them

After seeing how fast the lizard man is, Jose stops his chase. The revolution has no time to waste on these petty footraces.

Just as he slows down to ponder his next move, Nikkolai catches up. Being so engrossed in the thoughts of freedom, Jose's anal violation senses don't go off quite in time, and he gets a buttload of Nikkolai.

Unfortunately for the perverse Russian, Jose hadn't taken a shit in a week due to his constipation. Like a breached dam, excrement shoots out at mach speed along with traces of blood, blasting the contents of Jose's bowls all over Nikkolai.

The overpowering rancid odor can be smelled hundreds of feet away.

"Dios mio!"

"GLORIOUS!" Nikkolai says, crushing Jose in an excrement-covered bear hug.

"Blood, as red as the revolution! Let us free these brave workers from their bondage, comrade!"

Jose is deeply confused by what had just happened, but chalks it up to an accident stemming from his long period of constipation.

Although the Russian smells terrible, his words are a great inspiration. Jose finally felt as if he's found a compatriot, and bearhugs the Russian back.

"Si amigo, we must help those oppressed peoples take back what is rightfully theirs!"

Nikkolai uses his outstanding thighs to catch the lizard man and bring him to greater knowledge of his equality.

He motions for Jose to follow and help apprehend join forces with the lizard man.

"Wait! Amigo, I have a better idea."

Jose motions for Nikkolai.

"I think we should get this shit off of us first, and then we can go find another laborer, and pretend someone already told us about the rebellion and that we are in on the conspiracy."

"A marvelous idea. Let us clean off and find two sets of clothing to liberate."

Nikkolai follows through with Jose's plan.

"Well being a roamer and all I figured it would be a good idea to go to a larger town to get some idea of this worlds history and see if there is anyway i can get into the college of mages to see if they have any ideas on how I can go home."

The gnome sends up another red ball.
"5 minutes to departure."

Jose and Nikolai recall there being a drawer in the shack where they woke up. Perhaps there are more articles of clothing in there.

Jose makes his way back to the shack to get his stuff, and look for any peasanty change of clothes available in the drawers.

Erghun-Rho adds "If your light is not released before such knowledge is revealed to you ..."

The wagon leaves.
Emmilia, Erghun-Rho, and Magyyk Man continue here:
(https://churchofproz.forumotion.net/t1562-bullshit-rpg-and-i-would-walk-500-miles-and-i-would-walk-500-more)

Jose finds 5 sets of clean patchwork clothing in the dresser and his possessions in the same corner of the shack as before.

Nikkolai follows Jose to the dresser and puts on a set of patchwork clothing, as well as picking up any possessions he may have left in the shack.

You notice about 8 slaves approaching the shack, including the lizard man from before and the elf that Erghun-Rho scared away earlier.

Jose opens the door, and mysteriously looks around, before hurriedly waving to the slaves, ushering them inside.

"Vamos, amigos, you're late to the meeting, we must hurry before our enemies of the people come."

The slaves look at each other and enter the house, looking around suspiciously.
"Frum wut y'all've been doin, seems like yer tryna sniff us out."

The slaves begin to surround you.

"Nah, amigo."

Jose pulls out a joint and lights it up.

"We're one of you. We're from the newly established International Socialist Worker's Party, and we're just here to help organize our fellow laborers to fight in a glorious revolution against the oppressors. We didn't know you guys were already planning a rebellion, but that makes it mas facil por us."

Jose pulls off this shirt to show the numerous scars on his body.

"If you don't trust me, then look at these scars. I got them in my glorious struggle against the establishment."

"Ain't e'ery herd 'o dat shit. E'en if we were ta believe ya, ur method's'll jus git us in deeper shit."
The slaves begin to get closer, enclosing you guys.

"Eh, so you amigos wanna see our strength first? Fine by us. I'll show you how effective our methods can truly be."

Jose cracks his knuckles and immediately punches at the scrawniest looking guy.

dat action.

h/c: 4,1

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

#1 'normal' :


--------------------------------

#2 'Coin' : 2

Jose throws a strong right hook right into the shortest elf he can find, dazing him.
Unfortunately for Jose and Nikolai, there are 7 more slaves, muscles rippling from having worked the fields until now.
They all attack, 4 attack Jose while 3 attack Nikolai.

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

#1 'normal' :


--------------------------------

#2 'Coin' : 2, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2

A large lizardman attempts to grab Nikkolai, but Nikkolai is able to slip through his grip only to fall victim to the grips of the lizardman that Jose scared away earlier. Looking to his companion, he finds that Jose has also been subdued an orc slave.
The other 4 slaves are able to choke you out until you lose consciousness.

Please continue here:
(https://churchofproz.forumotion.net/t1564-bullshit-rpg-the-path)