Forced CYOA REDUX

A

fuu why every1 choose A or B, this is supposed to b a pro elite organization, they don't give out hand outs to random peepz on the streets!!! IT'S A TRAP :O


fk it, ima just vote b

Well I guess B wins.

You decrypt the number with your custom built ICE breaker. Wow, epic overkill. The algorithms used were still very high level though. You wouldn't expect any less from the ProZ. You dial the number on your ubergeniusphone...
"Hello, this is McDonalds Home Delivery, may I take your order?"

A. I was told to call this number by the 'Otaku Fortress'?
B. I'd like 2 Double Quarter Pounders with cheese, extra mayo, hold the lettuce, large fries, and a supersize McFlurry milkshake smoothie.
C. Got any grapes?
D. Hang up

C
or if possible
say: "DAMNIT KAEDE SADUH FAESSSSSS!!!"

B

C

What is this, some crazy McDonalds/Lemonade Stand hybrid?
Whatever, C

C wins. Why do you all get that reference. WHYYY

"Why yes we do sir, thanks for asking. Let me transfer you over to the Man, running the stand."
....
A deeper voice comes on the line. "This is the man running the stand. We also sell lemonade but you obviously don't want that. What color grapes would you like sir?"

A. Never mind, I actually want to order from the regular menu.
B. Rainbow
C. Joebob
D. The color of love
E. Ultraviolet

E sounds delicious

E

E

E

E wins.
"Alright sir, your delivery is confirmed and will arrive in about half an hour, thank you for ordering McProZ." The call ends.
So, now that you have "breakfast" on the way, what shall you do while you wait?

A. Take care of random things around the house.
B. Get on the internet
C. Leave the house and hide in a nearby bush to observe who's coming to deliver your grapes.

C

C

B

B

A

A

Of course, 3 way tie

i change my answer to A

You do boring chores around the house, looking out the window occasionally. At least you won't have to do them later.
You see a young man ride down the street on a bright yellow star spangled bicycle with two seats and glittering pink streamers all over. A little girl and her mother emerge from the house next to yours to greet him happily. He waves back with a smile and rings the bell on the handlebar, but as soon as he passes them his smile quickly turns back into a glum frown.
He stops at your house and gets off the bike, taking a brown paper bag from the basket and walking up to the doorstep. He knocks several times, saying "DELIVERY!" in a high falsetto. As you go over to open the door you can hear him mutter something: "I can't believe they made me do this..."
You open the door and greet the youth. He is wearing a collared t-shirt with red and white vertical pinstripes, black pants, clown shoes, and has a paper hat folded into something obscene strapped to his head. There is a gold rectangular pin on the breast pocket of his shirt upon which the text "skraal" is embossed. He sighs.
"Uh, so, why are you-"
He coughs and shakes his head furiously. "Please don't ask. I brought whatever it is you wanted in here-" he hands you the paper bag, the bottom of which looks damp and soggy "And I'll be taking you over to the...headquarters. They suggested I take you by bike, but it's up to you, sir."
Don't be a pussy, this guy looks legit.

A. Get on the other seat of the bike.
B. Follow him in your car.
C. Walk alongside.
D. Just don't go.

B.

B

B

Come on guys, don't let me ride alone!
A

B wins. If you ride alone, you ride with Hitler!
You open up your garage door to reveal your car, a dark green sedan you bought used 3 years ago at a shady dealership that promised "everlasting satisfaction". You always wonder if they were actually talking about the car, because it is a wreck that breaks down almost every month driving insurance premiums through the roof. Fortunately this month's incident has already happened, in the form of the driver side door simply falling off the car when you opened it one day. Good times.
The engine starts with a sputter, and you follow skraal's extremely girly bicycle at a steady pace. He leads you downtown into the heart of the city, where more mid and high rise buildings are clustered. Skraal begins to slow down when you reach a block of run down small shops. He stops at "Otaku Fortress", a seemingly abandoned store that appears to have sold anime figurines and other Japanese animation related paraphernalia, several of which are placed on the display window shelves. You park your car nearby and walk over. The scene looks like this:

There is a filthy asian hobo lying down under one of the store windows wearing nothing but a green ghetto beanie hat and a faded brown trenchcoat. He is snoring loudly, and his body is so famished you can almost see right through it.
Skraal kneels down and gingerly touches him in an attempt to wake him. As soon as he makes contact the hobo springs up from his sleeping position with wide red eyes and a loud "HERRO?" causing the other to jump back in fright.
The hobo looks around wildly, dust and other small particles falling out of his head as it shakes.
"Um...excuse me...itsam..er...whatever your name-"
"YESH?" "Your legs are um, blocking the doorway." "O wow, I be duh, brocking yu? Dai jougu brah!"
He scoots a foot to the side. "Um, thanks."
The hobo crosses his arms with a now solemn expression. "....." he somehow says aloud.
"So uh....what are you doing out here anyway, our security is automated."
"Iz so sad man, i haz no moniez, so I sit here and do duh...PANHANDUHRING(panhandling). Rike duh pan, hand, and ring." He pulls the aforementioned items out of his pants. "Is art of real men. As well as tea."
"Oh sorry about that, well, here's some from me." Skraal gives him a few bills.
"Ohhhh sank you!" He smiles and starts bowing down. "Ahhhhhhhhh..."
"Alright then, I'll just be going in now." He continues to bow. "Ahhhhhhh..."
Skraal opens the door and motions for you to follow. You wonder how the hobo was suddenly wearing skin colored pants, but realize that train of thought leads somewhere you don't want to go.
As you approach the doorway, the hobo turns to face you. "o man...are you duh..duh nuu guy?" You reply affirmatively. "QQ, i'm not good enough for them so they need moar of duh peepohz."
He starts to cry but then stops and slaps himself. "wait no, now is not the time. I must introduce myself..." He takes a deep breath.
"MAH NAME IZ-"

A. Kai-Wen
B. itsame273
C. KKchangs
D. In their tongue he is known as Aznkin.........................KELVlNBORN!!!

D. Oh the choices

C

B

A

Well, going by the hint left earlier in the passage, I'm going to assume that he's itsame.

B

B wins.

You hold up hand to stop him. "I know, your name is itsame273, is that right?" He sighs and shakes his head.
"O wow. Son, I am disappoint. There is no 'right' answer. There is onry answer that get you kirred and answer that do not. But no answers for this question kirr you. I think. You can carr me by that name if you want." He scratches his head and legs, then holds out his hands.
"Now can I haz duh monies? Pureezu?"

A. No
B. Give your pocket change
C. Fork over a generous amount.
D. Lend him your Discover 5% cash back card for a month.

A, suck it up... um.... psuedo-me

D. Get ALL the cash back.

B

A

He gives up easily, probably because he already received a donation. "I guess it can't be helped then. Now go, boy. Get in the fridge." He briskly pats you on the back. You enter the abandoned shop behind Skraal, and Itsame273 follows you. The furniture and light fixtures are dirty and in a state of disrepair as expected. There are piles upon piles of anime junk scattered haphazardly all over, so you watch your step. "Oooooooo....." Itsame273 says as he picks up some pieces of junk from the ground and inspects them.
There is one feature that stands out from the rest: A gleaming chrome elevator at the back of the shop. Skraal walks up to it and holds a black card shaped object up to the motion sensor above the elevator doors. It flashes red for a second and you hear a deep male voice saying "BEEEEP." The doors open and skraal walks in. "As you might have guessed, the Otaku Fortress store is just a front. The actual base is at the end of the shaft." You finish up inspecting your surroundings.
"Well, come on now." You walk into the elevator. The inside has a wallpaper that is filled with bad meme references."What about him?" You point at Itsame273, who remains outside the elevator and is now putting pieces in his mouth.
Skraal shrugs and presses the button with the ProZ symbol on it. The doors close and the elevator begins to move....upwards?
You notice there is only one other button in the elevator. It is white with a troll face on it. "Don't press that button. Ever. I'm serious. They forced me to do it as a joke about a year ago and..." He shudders.
By now you have no idea which direction the elevator is going in, and it starts shaking and vibrating like an earthquake. You close your eyes and grab onto the railing for support. Just when it seems like you can no longer stand it, the elevator comes to a stop and you hear the same male voice from earlier: "DING." The doors open to reveal a large extravagant hall:

Itsame273 is inexplicably standing there in front of the elevator now wearing heavy gray cargo pants, still in the same junk examining pose as when you left him. "Ooooooooooooo......Oh, herro. What took you so long?" You are speechless.
A translucent violet humanoid statue stands in the center of the atrium with its back to you. Its hands are raised in an exultant expression. Attached to it is a large cloth cape with intricate embroidery, flowing and rippling in the....wind?
You pinpoint the source as a giant motorized fan mounted on the floor several feet away that seems to serve no other purpose than keeping the cape aloft. The statue rests on a rectangular granite pedestal, upon which is engraved PRO GLORIA OMNE and some Chinese proverbs below. At the end of the hall there are large elaborate oaken double doors with large red text saying "MODS" painted across them. The right wall opens up to a grand white and gold staircase upon which an impeccably dressed Oriental gentleman now descends. His hairstyle is spiked yet orderly, and the light fuzz of a beard graces his chin. He approaches you with grace, the tails of the half-black business suit, half-red silken robe he is clad in swaying. "This is the newcomer, o wise one." Skraal indicates you.
"OHHHH VERY GOOD!!" The gentleman claps rapidly several times in delight. He offers his shining right hand out to you.
You take it and he clasps it with both hands firmly to shake. After releasing you, he snaps his fingers and a soft violin song emanates throughout the chamber. "Aha, nothing like establishing a tone of conversation with BACKGROUND MUSIC. Welcome, friend, welcome to the Church of ProZ. I hope your stay here is both ENJOYABLE and WISE. I will be the host for your GRAND tour of our premises. You may call me-

A. Vroopmaster Law
B. The Most Interesting Asian in the World
C. Logan Hu
D. Robert......Baratheon

B.

B

D, why not Joe? lol

OH VERY GOOD!
C

C

Whatever this isn't a big decision so I'll flip between B (heads) and C(tails)

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'Coin' : 2

"-Logan Hu, head of our PR/DiplOmacy division and our foremost connoisseur of fine dining and fashion." He takes a bow with a flourish. "Er, so I guess I'll just go back into my hidey hole then." Skraal remarks. "If you so choose, my friend. Make WISE decisions!"
Skraal walks over to a dark steel trapdoor embedded in the floor, marked "REGULARS + kevin chu" in sloppy yellow paint strokes. He opens it up and clambers in, closing the hatch behind him. "Chu? We have a cabinet member in thrall?" You ask with shock. Hu scratches his head. "Eh, I like to think that he lends us an air of legitimacy, but Kooay considers him a freeloader, he gets more from us than we get from him, you know, that kind of deal?" He shrugs. "You could talk to him, he's actually been hanging around HQ these past few days unlike most of our members. Anyway, you have any questions or shall we get started?"

A. Who's 'Kooay'? Please tell me, and be extremely smug about it.
B. What's up with the statue?
C. What if I don't want to be a member of this stupid club?
D. Where exactly are we in the world?
E. Let's go!

C

E

B

"Eh, we have an FAQ page made up for basic questions like that, I'll send you the link."
You check your ubergeniusphone and find the following link: ugtp://2pro4u.gaycist-united.cop/noob/faq.gtm
Ugh, that picture at the top looks hideous, it seems to be a very bad rendition of the Otaku Fortress shop in MS Paint. You wonder what kind of person would even think of drawing that.
"O hey vroop, I wuz wondering something," Itsame273 calls out to Logan waving a small dirty white coffee mug.
"Who, me?" Logan replies. "My name isn't vroop, but go ahead."
"Wutever man, it used to be your name or your real one or uh..." The hobo sighs. "QQ Iz so duh confused..." He shakes his head and some used confetti falls out onto the floor.
"Oh yeah dats it." He holds up the mug again. "Anyways, you want to have duh...TEA? Rike duh tea party?"
"Ohhh very good! But right now I am showing this newcomer the WAYS of our SOCIETY. It'll have to wait until after the tour. The staff will arrange it." "Yey." Itsame273 throws more confetti out of his hair in a celebratory expression.
The scene looks as follows:*

Logan Hu turns to you. (o man dat rap line) "So without any further ado...let the tour BEGIN"

A. Wait, that FAQ page doesn't answer who Kooay is, and I still have the burning desire for you to tell me in an extremely arrogant and condescending manner.
B. Lead on, brother.
C. Let's go up the staircase first.
D. [Try to escape]

*The featureless guy in the middle is supposed to be 'you', fill in your features there in your imagination. I tried to make the fancy suit half red with the fill tool but it ended up looking like bloodstains