Forced CYOA REDUX

C

A

ROLLIN

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'normal' :

You examine the Tamagotchi. It is still comatose from the beatdown and has several light bruises. You recommend the fat man give it some rest and cold compress the head and bruises, but he whines at you to stay away from his pet.
Suddenly you hear gunfire and approaching footsteps. Samuel L Jackson, pirate guy, and the little girl all come barreling around the corner, their weapons in hand. Jackson holds up a half filled blue satchel and yells "We got it! Get to the ducky bus if y'all wanna live muthaF/UCas!" They run past the 3 of you before you can even react. But now you can.

A. Welp, better follow them.
B. The "ducky bus" doesn't come back in another hour or so, find a place to hide instead of getting caught at the pickup point.
C. Duck out of the way and identify the pursuers.

A

b

C

A) Get to the choppa!

You start to hightail it out of there, but Nabhi stops you. "You are actually a kind person at heart," he says, "Help carry the man's pet to safety please?" Wondering what extraordinary bout of kindness overcame you before, you grudgingly agree and sling the chubby creature over your shoulder. Nabhi starts running with you through the factory from the pursuers, the fat man barely keeping up behind you. He starts wheezing within minutes, and all of a sudden you hear him exclaim "Ngyahh! Nohhh!!" You look behind to find that he has tripped and fallen down. He rolls around on his belly struggling to get up, but his limbs are too flabby to push himself.
What wouldst thou deau?

A. Just ditch him.
B. Go back and help him up.
C. Stand there indecisively like an idiot until the pursuers arrive because the choice is too hard.
*I was going to offer this one other choice but you would probably all pick it because its just too fun.

D. crouch down and poke him while exclaiming "AWWWWW NAHHHHHH"

B

D

B

You quickly run back and pull, yank, and roll the fat man to his feet with Nabhi's aid. With gunfire sounding right behind, the three of you race to the exit. You kick open a pale blue door and run outside.

The scene is what seems to be an empty asphalt loading area devoid of any vehicles, leading out to an abandoned freeway. The sky indicates the time is late afternoon. There is no sign of the extraction vehicle or any people, save for one: the little green haired girl standing on the roadside with the blue satchel next to her. You run over to her, but before you can talk to her the door opens behind you to reveal your pursuers, a small squad of 4 men wearing Yu-Gi-Oh! themed masks and wielding strange looking guns. They yell at all of you to get on the ground.

A. Ask the little girl what happened to Jackson and Pirate Guy
B. Grab the satchel and run.
C. Comply with the armed men's demands.
D. Point to your feet and tell them that you're already on the ground, problem?

A & C

A&D

A&D

A & C

Rolling for results
1 - A&C
2 - A&D

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'Coin' : 2

"I dunno where they went, but they told me to stay here. Don't worry, it's all part of their plan." she whispers to you.

"A wise guy huh?" The leader, wearing a Yugi mask grabs the little girl and presses the strange looking weapon to her back. This doesn't appear to diminish her cheerful demeanor. "So now that I've got a hostage what'll it be?"

A. I'll have the Supersize Whopper with cheese and 2 Fruit Parfaits.
B. Apologize and comply.
C. Ask what the weapon does.

D) pause and check equipment sub-screen.

Sweet a copypasta request!

Current Inventory:

• Ubergeniusphone
  
• Wallet with about 12 credits and Discover 5% cash back card
  
• Dull blue ProZ membership cube [Unknown utility]
  
• Car and house keys
  
• Black Hairpin
  
• 2 rubber bands
  
• Wooden Club [Recognized as Weapon]
  
• Gas Mask [Recognized as Armor, Head slot]

use gas mask

Gas mask equipped. The hostage situation remains.

B

You apologize, putting your hands on your head and getting down on your knees. "Nooo, the plan's not going to work if you do that!" the girl moans. "Heh, what a chump." You begin to hear Nabhi and the fat man along with some other voices yelling in the distance, but a few seconds later something hits you hard in the head from behind knocking you out.
You wake up slumped on the floor in a bland gray stone prison cell. There is a door and a black one way mirror (not going your way) on the wall opposite from you. The cell is otherwise featureless besides a video camera mounted on the ceiling.

A. Open the door.
B. Conceal yourself ashamedly from the camera
C. Quickly open inventory and drop everything before the crappy game mechanics confiscate your stuff like in Deus Ex

C

BUMP

C and moon the camera.

C if this is still alive

D. Shit in your hands and throw it at the camera, then do C.

C

You vomit out a veritable stream of items as you frantically dig through your various pockets and bodily crevices to chuck everything of value onto the floor. The club clatters on the floor. The wallet flips open and spills some of its contents. The keys clink hard and slide away. Hopefully no alarms were triggered. You throw down the mask, fortunately the air seems breathable and is around normal temperature. A couple coins roll away.

Your inventory now completely empty, you suck in some air, take a squatting position and brace yourself...

...and nothing happens. You don't even feel that strange tingly feeling that you imagine would accompany the supernatural confiscation of everything on your person. Perhaps it's activated by something? You gingerly pick up a rubber band and put it in your pocket. A few minutes later, it's still there. And why wouldn't it be? It's not like this is some kinda dystopian video gayme. Or is it?

A sharp squeaking sound alerts you to the presence of a loudspeaker next to the camera. "O lawd, you must be one of those exhibitionists," a whiny voice drawls. It sounds male, but not by much. "While you're at it, why don't you take your clothes off too, heheheh."

A. "WHO ARE YOU??"
B.are yourself to the camera.
C. Quickly try to pick everything back up.
D.o nothing.

B first, then C and A simultaneously.

E. Take out your gland, and give it a nice hand. Stare into the camera with dead seriousness.

E.

Switch to E

E

Strange urges fill your mind. You "expose" your "gland" and look into the camera lens.
"ooo, skipping straight to the good stuff," the voice says.
You start off with a little manual stimulation, which then escalates into full blown hand to gland combat.
Your heartbeat rises at the thrill of the...activity.
"wow, this shit's going straight to vine."
You have a feeling that if you used your ubergenius phone at some point in the near future to check out a certain video sharing site you might find an entry containing footage of this, entitled "Prisoner Interrogation [GONE SEXUAL]" or something along those lines. Your parental guardian figures would be so proud, or so you think.
"heh, this is insane." You hear a soft rubbing noise in the background coming over the loudspeaker, which could indicate that your captor is also participating in a fierce engagement.
Anyway, it seems that your furious glandular battle is...coming to a head.

A. Finish. (the fight)
B. Take a shit on the floor.
C. Threaten to stop unless your demands are met.

C

C.

D. etermine that it is best to first perform C, then perform B

The lord has spoken! D it is!

Thinking you have some leverage now, you threaten to cease your hand to gland combat.
"Haha, nice try. I already got enough footage for the road. But at least you're talking now."
Well, you saw that one coming a mile away. You get mad anyway, and make a grimace at the camera as you drop your pants and defecate onto the floor. It's a bit liquidy, and some of it spatters onto your dropped stuff. Man, these recent good decisions are paying off already.
"Holy shit," your captor whispers, quite appropriately.
Later on vine: "Prisoner Interrogation [GONE SEXUAL][GONE WILD]"

"Enough screwing around.(heh) I know you were sent by the Proz, so what was your mission? Who else are you working with?"

A.sk what's in it for you if you tell him.
B. Tell him you don't know anything, that you were just a pawn.
C.omplete the trifecta by vomiting and pissing all over as well.

D. os, porque no los dos. First perform C to ensure that embarrassment intimidation levels are as high as they can be. Then ask A.

D

To make a long and unhygienic story short, you create an even larger mess on the cell floor using the processed remains of whatever you had for breakfast.
"I hope you're not planning to start that spinning chain reaction thing," your captor remarks. "I'll just turn off the camera feed."
Standing among puddles of your own bodily fluids, you then suddenly announce that you would be more amenable to answering his questions if given a suitable incentive.
"Uh wow, really?" It sounds like he did not expect this. "Well, you'll be free to go of course..." A few moments of silence pass, presumably in deep thought. "...You don't seem like the type who would take money, so instead your cooperation will be rewarded with a limited edition, fully colored and articulated He-Man action figure, vintage 2008. How about that?"

A. Sounds good to me! [Tell him everything]
B. Sorry, you're gonna have to do better than that.
C. Just kidding, nothing you say can convince me. [End negotiation]

B

B. Ask for a limited edition Shinji Ikari figurine instead.