Forced CYOA REDUX

A and E

B

B

B

B. and E.

I'm really curious about what the "special sauce" is.

C and E

B without looting wins.

Kaede nods. "It's probably for the best if you don't stick around to loot, I don't know the details of the mission but they are most likely leaving soon after briefing." She texts you directions to the embarkation point. The Combine Overwatch announcer comes on loudspeaker. "Now boarding JDS #6." "That must be it. Hurry!" She points the way out. As you exit the library you hear her calling, "And don't think you're off the hook about Capitalist Pig..."
You dash through the halls, the feeling and adrenaline reminding you of the "good old days" when you were running late for class. You follow Kaede's directions and find yourself before a steel door marked LAUNCH BAY DELTA. You try the door but it is locked by what appears to be an electronic keypad. Shouting and machinery can be heard from behind the door. Nobody said anything about a keypad, and you frantically punch in random combinations in desperation to no avail. You are about to call Logan for help when the door is opened from the other side, seemingly by no one. You walk through into a dark blue hangar bay, the center of which seats a bright yellow VTOL jet engine vehicle. Steam rises out of it as well as the various maintenance equipment surrounding it. "Well well well, look who decided to show up." A voice drawls over loudspeaker. You look up to see a silhouetted figure waving at you through a window on the upper level of the hangar. Who could this mysterious person be?

A. It's NOPE! You'll just have to find out later.

"Like a typical problem with authority n00b, you decided that orientation just wasn't important enough for you. I am not going to babysit you, you can figure crap out on the way. Now choose your weapon-" The figure turns and adjusts something on a control panel, "and get on board." A panel opens up in the wall beside you to reveal 3 transparent glass containers, each with a release button.
123
"You can pick only one, no cheating. Hey rookies! This little girl here is your group's official outcast. Look at him. Look at him and laugh." Nervous laughter can be heard from the yellow vehicle.

A. Take the unbelievably powerofpoo looking sord... type thing
B. Man up and grab the Tamagotchi Key Chain.
C. OMG RICE KRISPIES!!
D. Show them that you are a beautiful strong black woman who don't need no weapon!

C. FOODS

D

C
&
E) Take an item from a weaker person around you.

What if no one's weaker?

D

C & E

Hitting the release button causes the glass case to open, and the cereal box pops out into your waiting hands. You shake it to reassure yourself with the rustling of the cereal, and rush to get in the yellow jet to find that there is only one seat left. "Strap yourselves in boys," says the dropship pilot. "Welcome aboard Jet Drop Ship #6, officially christened the JDS Rubber Ducky." The vessel's cockpit is painted like a duck's head. The engine revs up, and the hangar doors open. The wheels start spinning and the ship speeds out of the hangar with a lurch....traveling on the ground like a car. "Destination is in proximity, we don't need to fly and attract even more attention." You try to stealacquire an extra weapon from someone else, but probably didn't consider that everyone would have the same choice of weapons as you. Which they did.

Your companions consist of the following:
• White guy wearing Antebellum era formal wear and a pirate hat, with an obviously fake bushy brown mustache and beard strapped to his face. An unused black eyepatch hangs off the hat. He holds a weapon similar to the sord... but more curved and orange in tone. Unbeknownst to him, there is a yellow sticky note on his shoulder on which the following text is written: "This is for not picking pirates as the setting --Michael"
  
• Skinny reclusive Indian boy wearing big square 80's style glasses, head down and rocking himself reclusively in his seat, hoping to avoid trouble. He has a green Tamagotchi clutched in his trembling hand.
  
• Innocent looking small girl-child with big circular eyes and vibrant green hair tied in four pigtails, who is happily munching on some delicious Rice Krispies.
  
• Morbidly obese pimpled asian man slumped in his seat wearing a stained t-shirt with "Studio Gainax" emblazoned on it and black gym shorts that are stretched to bursting on his Buddha thighs. He could have potentially anything concealed within his rolls of fat.
  
• Samuel L. Jackson. "Team Racial Diversity motherF/UC'er!" He wields what looks like a 4 year old's digitally worsened drawing of a purple lightsaber.
  

You try to assess who is the weakest among the group, but weakness can be measured in many ways. Samuel L. Jackson and Pirate Guy are definitely out of the question though. The Pirate Guy would probably be a fair fight, and even the thought of trying to steal from him causes Samuel L. Jackson to direct a murderous glare your way making you almost soil yourself out of fear. Who do you steal from?

A. Indian boy
B. Little Girl
C. Fat man
D. Never mind, stealing is wrong! (but reading pr0nz isn't)

D, does the rustling of that cereal... rustle your jimmies?

D.

itsame273 wrote:rustle your jimmies?

Just maybe

E) check you pockets for usable items. & F) Comment to Mr. Jackson that the pirate looks like a b1tch.

E & F

A. If the Tomigotchi is raised right, by the time we're deployed on the field it will be a fierce dunking machine (because he'll be so fed, lololol)

My digital pets always died because i liked my Digimon more.

Digimon FTW. Taking a fusion option.

Checking your pockets turns out the following inventory: ubergeniusphone, wallet with about 12 credits, dull blue ProZ membership cube, car keys, hairpin, and 2 rubber bands.
You lock on the introverted boy's Tamagotchi, but understand that these pets take a lot of care and effort to raise to maturity. You decide you'll just let the kid do all the hard work for you and snatch it from him when it's ready. For now you make a morally upright expression and say "Never mind, stealing is wrong. But reading pr0nz isn't." Whoops. Everyone in the cabin is staring at you now. You blush heavily, not meaning to say that out loud. "What is 'pr0nz'?" the little girl asks. "Is it a fun type of book?" Jackson answers her while giving you a threatening look. "Yeah it's a type of book, but it's only fun for b1tches." You start sweating, and attempt to defuse the situation by commenting to Jackson that the pirate guy looks like a b1tch. "Who're you callin' a b1tch, b1tch?" Uh oh. "Um, wh-" You stop yourself just in time. You know EXACTLY what would happen if you said "What" agai-
"WHAT? What country you from?"
dammit kaede sad face.
"Uhhhh-"
" 'Uhhhh' ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak english in uhhh?"
"You dun goofed, (mister/lady)!" The little girl interjects helpfully.

Several ass kickings later...

The vehicle slows to a stop, and the pilot breaks her long silence. "Dropoff point reached. Please exit the vehicle in a calm and orderly fashion." By this time you are so bruised and beaten even the obese otaku waddles out of the ship before you. You emerge into what seems to be the interior of an abandoned factory.

"A specially marked van will be on standby at the extraction point in 1 hour. Good luck." The ship leaves with a gust of wind.
The six of you are left standing there. It's go time.

A. Ask someone what the mission is.
B. Explore the area.
C. Try to form a team with the others.
D. Stalk the kid.

B

B

D

D

A & B

B wins. You like to explore?
Venturing deeper into the factory reveals more small bits of junk lying around that a hobo might find a good snack. Pieces of mysterious rusting machinery are scattered amidst the concrete support columns. Soon you can no longer hear the sounds of the others. Suddenly, a gas mask wearing mook jumps out from behind a column at you, wielding a wooden club! The membership cube in your pocket lights up and starts playing music:
--FIGHT!!!--
Instead of attacking you, the mook for some reason just stands there, bobbing up and down on his legs. Maybe he isn't ready. Or maybe he's just a dumbass that thinks he's in a video game. But it feels like your ATB bar is filled up now. It's time to act!

A. Autoattack/Punch/whatever the basic move is
B. Hold L and R at the same time to escape!
C. Use Rice Krispies....somehow....
D. Try to resolve the conflict diplomatically.

C & D... use Rice Krispies... DIPLOMATICALLY!!!

C & D

C & D

C & D wins. I dunno lol

The cube now emits the whistle of a boiling teakettle as you prepare to use your skill. You make a cool stance to present your foe with the object of negotiation. Time for some CEREALs discussion!

The mook seems intrigued but still outwardly hostile. What sort of deal do you propose?

Goods provided:
1. Offer the whole box of Rice Krispies
2. Offer half the box
3. Offer 1 suggested serving
4. Offer something else (specify)
5. Nothing. [cancels negotiation]

Demands:
A. None [gives him stuff for free if number other than 5 selected]
B. Not attack you for the duration of your visit.
C. Follow you and aid you in combat.
D. Gas mask and club please
E. Something else (specify)

1
D

1
D

3
D

1 B&C

1D wins.

You offer him the whole box of Rice Krispies, asking for the gas mask and club. The mook seems hesitant at first.
"The mask too? But it's my face....I don't know..."
"Do you want the Krispies or not?"
"Oh all right....you drive a hard bargain man..." He takes off the gas mask to reveal....another mask. "Well, my cover's definitely blown now," he remarks sadly. Holy smokes! 2 masks? He's not a mook at all! He's one of those recurring masked villains whose identity will be a frustrating mystery for a good part of the story! Nevertheless, you had a deal, and so you exchange the agreed upon items with him. He shakes the box to make sure it's not empty. "Well it's been good doing business with you, I'll probably see you later under less favorable circumstances." He briskly jogs off while examining the cereal.

A. Chase after him and beat him up. Did he honestly think you were going to let him keep YOUR Krispies?
B. Don the mask and club, test their quality.
C. See what the others could be up to.
D. Keep exploring.

A

D

&

E) Look over the mask for any signs or logos to see who he was affiliated with.

B

A) sorry dawg, it's just GOOD BUSINESS (for me)
&
E) (same reasoning as kaede)

B

Just a warning unless you want to lose the game early you should never attack a potential midboss / final boss this early in the game.

B & E

Char wrote:Just a warning unless you want to lose the game early you should never attack a potential midboss / final boss this early in the game.

UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN...

B & E wins. You spineless cowards will regret this.

You actually let the masked fag walk away with the Rice Krispies. The cube reverts to its normal state. You examine both mask and club but neither seem to bear any logos or identifying marks. You don the mask, and it feels stuffy but otherwise functional. Testing the club reveals that it is sturdy pine and can withstand considerable force. You practice swinging it around for a few minutes. Suddenly you hear the rapid footsteps of someone running, and they seem to be getting closer to you. You raise your club, now prepared for a fight. The runner comes into your line of sight. It's the pirate guy! He sees you and draws his gleaming orange sord... shouting "A mook! Taste me cutlass, ye scurvy bilgerat!" His membership cube starts playing his... fight music. You would laugh, but you realize that you still have the gas mask on and he is dead serious. "YARRRRG!!!" He charges at you.

A. NO WAIT DON'T [take off the mask to show you're on his side]
B. Defend yourself with the club.
C. Run.

A) "I'm on your side jackass!"

A) prevent further misunderstanding
&
B) don't wanna get cut while you're showing yourself
(we do have two hands and these are 1 handed actions right?)

itsame273 wrote:(we do have two hands and these are 1 handed actions right?)

Yes to both, but it is generally harder to wield a weapon in 1 hand while you're busy trying to take off a mask, an activity which is momentarily vision obscuring. You never know just what could happen in that one second that you're not looking....

D) Sing and dance "Don't Copy That Floppy" to confuse him

D

D wins.

Staying cool under pressure, you start to bob your head and make opening percussion sounds to "Don't copy that floppy" with your mouth. Just as the pirate guy is about to strike, you dramatically point at him with both hands and break into song.
(((CLICK MEEEE)))
"DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT, DID I HEAR YOU SAYIN' THAT YOU WERE GONNA MAKE A COPY OF THAT GAME WITHOUT PAYIN'?"
He instantly stops just short of striking you. IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
You dance circles around his paralyzed form, DP style. "Doop! Doop! Doop! Doop doop!"
His face is frozen in a rictus in shock. Deeming him effectively neutralized, you take off your mask with a grand bow and moonwalk away like a boss. "Doop! Doop! Doop! Doop doop!..."

A. Keep exploring like Dora
B. Find the others and ask them what the mission is.
C. Look for the masked villain

B