Bullshit RPG: The Path

Jose suddenly whirls around, and chucks another one of his daggers at the beast's eye.

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 1

Jose does a twirling short hop, turning himself to face the beast, launching a dagger from his offhand and replacing it with the dagger he's been holding on to with his mouth. The dagger flies through the air towards where Jose imagines the beast's eyes would be, but when Jose takes a closer look, he notices that the beast has no eyes. The dagger clatters off the beast's head, igniting a few sparks on contact and simply falls to the ground.

Jose looks back to check what the beast looks like this time.

Squinting his eyes, Jose studies the beast.
The beast has the appearance of a colossal naked mole rate, standing at around three times Jose's own height. The biggest differences are that the beast simply doesn't have eyes and its skin is a brownish hue as opposed to pink. You also spot that the color of its underbelly seems to have a slightly lighter hue in an unnatural and unsymmetrical portion of the underbelly, though it seems to have the same texture as the darker parts.

Jose sees that what his comrades and russian compatriot are doing is working, so he finds a portion where the wall is particularly indented, and flattens himself against the wall, keeping still.

The beast begins running towards your compatriots, who seem to still be shuffling around, positioning themselves to spread out in the wide area they're in.
The one in the middle picks up the torch and chucks it in the direction of the beast so they can get a better look at it.

Jose checks to see if the giant molerat has a mouth.

Nikolai peeks out of his nook and double-checks the positions of all involved parties.

Nikolai can see Jose standing out in the open just a couple of feet away from himself but is unable to see the others through the darkness. Jose can't see the beast's face as it is turned away from him, but he recalls that the beast has a mouth.

Nikolai attempts to distract the beast from his comrades by chucking any stones he can find at it.

He then high tails it out of the cavern.

Jose tries to tiptoe after the rat, making as little noise and movement as possible.

david

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'normal' :

Your comrades stop in shock as the beast charges them.
The rock misses the rat, falling several feet short of it. Miraculously, the beast turns around and runs towards the rock, then after Nikkolai. As the beast bounds towards Nikkolai and Jose, Jose notices a small crack in the wall where he might be able to squeeze in if he really tried.
Nikkolai looks back while running, noticing that the beast bounds towards him at an alarming rate and realizes that there is no way he'd be able to make it to the entrance before the beast caught him.

Nikolai prepares to toss the bone he's carrying behind him onto the ground behind him, making it bounce a bit to create distance.

During this smokescreen of sound, he plans to stop and blend in with the wall.

Jose presses himself up against the wall and waits for the rat to pass.

The rat runs to the bone, pauses for half a second, lets out a roar and runs down the hall towards the exit. It bounds about 20 feet away from Nikkolai and begins slowly approaching back towards the large open area, sniffing for anything alive as it goes.

This was the moment, Jose knew, for the mole rat to know TRUTH.

He quickly pulled down his pants, aiming his rear end at the rat's nose, feeling the pressure in his intestines build up to unimaginable levels.

A thunderous roar erupted from Jose's anus, followed by a jet-stream of liquid diarrhea, the solids having already been ejected upon the Russian hours earlier.

The smell was still positively destructive as it invaded Jose's nostrils, and afterwards, he quickly pulled up his pants and ran towards the open space.

Nikolai covers his nose and follows Jose towards the cave's opening. He tries to get a good look at the rat monster when he passes it.

Although Jose has eaten nothing which may warrant diarrhea, he manages to very arbitrarily conjure up the contents of his stomach and bowels to be unleashed from his asshole. The shit flies straight and true, like a high powered water hose, running for about 2 seconds. Jose then promptly goes into the open space, seeing his comrades spread out, in position with dagger traps set up in the ground in front of each of them.

As the stream of shit flies past him at the rat monster, Nikolai notices that some of it seems to be landing on him, leaving himself smelling like shit. He does not pass the monster, you do not pass go, you do not collect 200 dollars as that is not the direction he runs if he goes to the cave opening where his comrades are. Entering the large area, some of his comrades stifle their breathing as they smell the shit on him.

The rat monster wisely doesn't screech out until the shit has finished splattering it (so it doesn't get any in its mouth, lol). The monster begins wiping the shit of with its hands as best it can, delaying it for about 30 seconds, allowing the Jose, Nikkolai, and co to regroup without any issue. The rat then continues slowly moving towards the open ahead while sniffing around for anything.

Nikolai throws more shit at the rat (and encourages his comrades and Jose to do the same) and makes a break for the cave exit while the rat is distracted.

"Hey amigos, lets try to stab it in the nose or mouth or whatever. If we get it bleeding, it might just die."

After flinging the shit and hitting nothing by thin air, Nikkolai takes the torch from the comrade that picked it up, and attempts to lure the big rat back to a geyser so he can explode it.

At the sound of Jose's voice, the beast rears its head and begins charging towards you all.
"Welp, guess being quite's out of the picture now."
"Yeah, let's stab it in the mouth so it can bite our arms off."
"Oi, that thing's hide looks like it'd make a nice rug though. Looks like the underbelly just got freshly regrown or something. Maybe we can-"

Nikolai snatches the torch from the speaking man's hands.
"Dafq, mate. You could've just asked."

Taking the opportunity of roaring, Jose attempts to toss a spear into the thing's mouth.

"Sorry and thanks, comrade," Nikkolai says, while running at top speed.

Nikkolai continues running, hoping to lure the beast on top of a geyser and then blast its underbelly.

As one comrade helpfully pointed out, it seemed to be a possible weak spot.

ranged hit: 4

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'normal' :

The spear flies... wide and completely misses the rat.
Nikkolai positions himself behind a geyser, waving and making obscene gestures to attempt to attract the rat's attention.

You notice that the rat continues sniffing, and seems to be running straight at Jose.
Your comrades begin scattering.

Jose runs after Nikkolai, after understanding what hes trying to do, and attempts aid him in the effort

"Jose! Quick, follow me to the geyser!" Nikkolai screams. "Let us ignite under its fat belly the righteous fury of the people!"

Your comrades seem to understand the gist of your plan and gather a little bit away from the geyser you're behind, watching intensely at what's about to happen.

Jose runs over to Nikkolai, the beast gaining on him as he runs.
By the time Jose reaches Nikkolai's side, the beast is about 20 feet away from the geyser.

Nikkolai stares the beast in its lack of eyes, and times his torch toss so that the torch will hit the geyser when the beast is directly over it.

Jose gets read to run as soon as the beast gets close enough for Nikkolai's plan to succeed.

werg

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'normal' :

Nikolai winds his arm back and launches the torch at the geyser in front of the beast.
As the torch soars through the air, Jose begins running for cover while Nikkolai turns his back to the geyser and crouches down in a slavic squat.

As soon as the beast reaches the geyser, the torch ignites the fumes, knicking the giant rat a few inches off the ground as it shreiks in agony. Its underbelly's fur is immediately burned off and the skin under it seems scorched.

Before the beast lands, your comrades rush at the beast. Almost all of them (3) immediately trip on the ground, 2 of them slamming their heads against the other's head as they fall. However, one brave comrade is able to actually reach the beast, dodging a wild swipe from the beast's claws and slashing it across the underbelly with a dagger.

The beast recoils in pain at the cut and begins running around the group.

Jose runs for his fallen spear, and after re obtaining it, attempts to skewer the rampaging beast where it was injured earlier by the comrade.

Nikolai attempts to dodge the rat, and take his fallen comrades to safety.

Jose runs towards the area he threw his spear.
He is able to cover about half the distance towards it while Nikkolai starts helping the comrades up as the beast isn't coming for him at the moment.
The beast also starts zeroing in on Jose while everything is happening.

Having helped his comrades to their feet, Nikolai grabs the nearest weapon and prepares to stab at the beast's underbelly if it approaches.

(srry for the big hiatus)

Jose reaches the spear and stoops down to grab it, deftly turning his body to face the monster as his fingers touch the spear's shaft. Having quickly turned, Jose sees the the beast is about to be right in front of him, preparing to leap and pounce upon him.

Nikkolai grabs a dagger from his pocket and stands there as he sees the beast preparing to pounce at Jose.

The cloaked comrades are all on their feet now and cautiously approach the beast.

Jose braces his spear against the ground, attempting to skewer the beast with the force of its own pounce in its abdomen.

Nikolai continues to judge the timing and stab if needed.

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'Coin' : 2, 1

Nikkolai is nowhere near the beast, so he just stands there.
Jose's trap proves to be only somewhat effective as the spear penetrates into the beast's flesh about a foot before snapping under the creature's weight. the creature promptly lands utop Jose, loosing a shrieking snarl and flinging globs of saliva onto his face.
The cloaked comrades have surrounded the beast at this point.

Having realized he was nowhere near the beast, Nikolai rushes to Jose's aid, trying to avoid the creature's sharp appendages while stabbing at its underbelly.

"Destroy this symbol of classism!" he urges his comrades.