Bullshit RPG: The Story Begins

The Magyyk Man attempts to break a spike while Emmilia attempts to figure out the poison in order to cancel it out. (no one except the Magyyk Man was ailed before, so Emmilia was only able to understand that ailment and prepare to heal that at the time).

Unarmed (punt): 2 (3 - 1(vs heavy armor))
Magic Affinity: 4 (5 - 1(mass casting))

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 2

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#3 'normal' :

The spike is shunted right into one of the knights' abdomen. The spike penetrates, angled up, from the gap between the faulds and Cuisses.
Emmilia cures the poison for everyone and feels better for a moment, but the symptoms of the ailment immediately return upon taking another breath. (also wanna point out that the gas will still be present inside your domes if you intend to make them).

OOC: On the topic of story direction, I don't think we've really hit the point where I've been able to actually explain the situation to u guys yet (due to all the infighting). I've attempted to sort of set up a vague setting with the political state of matters using the engagement with the peasants/knights, and I think we can definitely get to some tangible goals if things calm down a little. I can try and bullshit things to expedite the process if that's what you guys want. Made a poll for that, vote here (https://churchofproz.forumotion.net/t1557-should-i-bullshit-it-up-and-expedite-the-story-to-get-to-tangible-goals). It ends in 24 hours, so vote if u want a say. I'll do whatever u guys want then.

She uses earth magic to create a face mask around her mouth and nose to help filter out the gas before she breathes more in.

(Post more later at work)

Magic Affinity: 5

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'normal' :

Using earth magic, Emmilia makes a mask that filters out air, but this only causes larger particles to be filtered out.
She is still inhaling the gas from the Magyyk Man.

As the Magyyk man attempts to slip past the knights, two of the knights attempt to grab and pummel him with their fists.

Hit: 4x2 (3 + 1(flanking))

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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'normal' :

One of the knights misses and falls flat on the ground, spewing vomit as he falls while the other latches on to the Magyyk Man, bringing him to the ground. The knight removes her helmet while atop the downed Magyyk Man and immediately vomits into his face. Two other knights run up and begin pummeling the Magyyk man until he is unconscious.

Everyone affected by the Magyyk Man's gasses continue unleashing the contents of their bowels through their mouths. Some begin bleeding at the orifices in their faces and many begin soiling themselves. It's quite a mess.
The knights and the party all fall unconscious in the middle of the gassy disaster.

When the party opens their eyes, they find themselves all dressed in patchwork clothing and rags. The party is now inside an old shack. It looks like whoever lived here hadn't touched anything in a very long time. If one looks out the windows, they could see a farming community that is undeniably the village you saw from your earlier position. All your possessions are piled in a corner of the room. There are 3 other people in the room. A middle aged peasant wearing a fedora is seated at an empty table with the young woman who Emmilia let go free first. The two are wearing semi-fashionable tunics; the man is wearing leather pants and hide boots while the woman wears a fabric dress and moccasins. In the corner opposite your possessions is a crouched, very tall human. This person wears ragged patchwork clothing and baggy pants that seem to be made out of a burlap bag. These cheap articles cover the entirety of their torso and legs. The person's fingers, peek out of the sleeves and face, revealing that they're wrapped in some sort of bandage-like grey cloth. The person also wears the same grey cloth over their face like a hijab, the same grey cloth veiled over their face, revealing only their eyes.

The man wearing the fedora speaks to the party.
"Oh, you're awake. Thanks fo saving us from dem knights."
You recognize this voice as that of the person representing the peasants earlier.
"Boy, dey're gon come down on us wit e'erything now. Ma name's Pod, by the way,"

> A middle aged peasant wearing a fedora

Nikolai feels an immense need to tip his own non-existent fedora, but settles for meekly greeting the man instead.

"Greetings...m'Pod. I feel like I have survived great Siberian winter with much dehydration. Could you spare us some water?"

The bandaged man shifts from his upright fetal position. The faint rustling of sand is heard as he rises. The man looms over the party at 6 feet and 7 inches. His eyes are the only exposed features on his body. These black orbs are trained directly on Nikolai.

He interrupts and spits out raspy words amidst wheezes and burka stifled coughs.

"There is only soul dousing tonic in the welllllll *cough* you are all much too vibrant for water..."

Pod gestures to the young woman and she leaves, presumably to get some water.
"Oi, shuddup, you."
Pod turns back to the group with an apologetic expression.
"Don't mind dis one. E's been free too long since no one'll take him. Best not git too close, thur b strange roomers about 'im."

A bell tolls and you can see many humanoids wearing patchwork clothing similar to the strangely tall man walk into the farm fields surrounding the houses in the area and begin tending to the crops. Some humans go around commanding them.
"Anyhoo, it's da 'morn and e'erybody's up. We're going to meet in the town center and talk 'bout how we gon fight those sumbitches. Once Darlene comes back, we gon git. Yurr free to use this 'ol house for now, but I wudn't get too lax with dat thing here."

The bandaged man corrects his posture as he perks up at the mention of fighting. He visibly trembles for a moment and holds himself as he begins to sway his torso back and forth and motion beneath his face covering conveys silent muttering.

Mistah Magyyk Man springs to his feet, having mixed feelings about the sudden transition. On one hand, nobody is vomiting and pummeling him in a literal shitstorm. On the other hand, nobody is vomiting and pummeling him in a literal shitstorm. He brings both hands together in a clap and listens to the well dressed peasant named Pod.

Wait, Pod? Could it be? Is he the one and only Podrick Payne, heir of House Payne and squire to T- no, this is a different realm, though it may seem superficially similar.

As he sees the cloth-swaddled stranger get up, he seems to undergo an elated spasm as he cries "hhWOW!! Sugoi ne! Iontach!"

He strips off his patchwork clothing and begins fawning over the stranger, who he suspects is not all too different from himself. "WOW! You're so tall and raspy, Mistah Bandage Man! Are you one of those...mummies?"

The bandaged mans swaying turns into full on thrashing when he is addressed by these new strangers.

"YESyesYesyesYesyesYes! YOU ARE SO B-R-R-R-IGHT *cough*. I AM ONE THAT SPEAKS FOR YOUR BRILLLLLL-IANCE ..."

The bandaged man hunches back down. Wary of the retribution Mr. Pod might visit upon him for his outburst.

"YES! YES! YES! YES!....YES!!!!"
Mistah Magyyk Man is positively beaming from Mistah Bandage Man's compliment. In fact, his whole body's turned a brilliant yellow like that of the sun.
"Am I even brighter now, Bandage-senpai?" He makes a pose and winks. "Have you completely fallen for my brightness?"

Pod turns to the other 3 (Emmilia, Nikkolia, Jose)
"I guess these non'man slaves really get along t'gether, huh. Might be good to keep yur thing under control tho."

The bandaged man leans down towards the now yellow shape shifting creature and whispers in his ear.

"It is most spectacular. It will be free."

(sorry about not posting, had to take my dog to a vet in vegas and just got back today. I'll get her to sleep and read what happened I missed in a bit.)

Mistah Magyyk Man trembles in anticipation as "sweet nothings" are whispered into his ear.
"Oh nyessss, I'm in control, sooo in control. I've even broken a house and everything. Wanna see me do a trick? Just say the word."

OOC: don't worry about missing a bit. that's the whole point of these forum rpgs, ye? that u can go at it casually as u'd like.

After experiencing the shit storm like no other, Jose could tolerate a particular queer companion no longer.

Even now, while unconscious, he had been having nightmares about being covered in, and crawling in piles of excrement.

Feeling something snap inside his head, Jose climbs atop a nearby table, and launches himself at the magyck man in a

FLYING BODYPRESS.

hit: 4

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 2

Hearing the clatter of the table, the Magyyk Man turns to see Jose soaring across the air and heading straight for him. He feels an impact and is knocked to the ground in front of the bandaged man with Jose's body weighing down upon him.

Pod watches and remarks
"Dat's a very peculiar way of dealing with 'im, but I won't question ya 'bout it."

She slowly rouses from unconsciousness, from all the commotion. Still in a grogy state she uses water magic to create a little bit of water in her hands and splashes it in her face to fully wake up.

After a few moments she turns to the commotion of Jose flying bodypressing the maggyk man, she simply smiles at the actions.

Strangely enough, this is right where he wants to be. "Ohhhh- UOOOHHH!!" Mistah Magyyk Man grabs on tight and starts dry humping Jose.

Jose knows intimately that the best way to stop a mongrel in heat is to spay it, so he pushes down on the magyyk man with his left arm and unleashes the most powerful punch he has in his arsenal to the man's nether region.

hit: 4

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 2

Jose punches right into the Magyyk Man's magical family jewels.
They flatten, but re-expand like some sort of weird rubbery substance.
The Magyyk Man feels pain wrack his nether region.

"Mmm, ya really show'n 'im his place."

Finally getting more awake, she looks around at where she is and observes the fight as well as look over every one in the room. Seeing someone she doesn't recognize,the bandaged man, she prepares a healing spell to use on the man to treat what she thinks are injures."

The Magyyk Man shrieks, his body shuddering from the impact. "Rieehhhh!!" He continues to grip his assailant and lets out a panicked fart.

while preparing a spell to heal the bandaged man's injuries (scanning for the root of the problem with da powa of magyx), Emmilia finds that he is not at all injured.

Jose attempts to wrestle out of the queer man's grip, and plant his foot upon the man's chest.

He then proceeds to grab the nearby table, which he happened to just leap off of, and slam it into his opponent like it was just a small bar stool.

Wrastl'n

Hit: 4

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 2

Jose positions both his hands onto his opposite sides, grabs the Magyyk Man's upper arms, and in one fluid motion: wrestles the arms off of his body by raising them above his head. Jose then begins making his way to the table.

Mistah Magyyk Man flips over and starts crawling around on all fours.

The door to the shack opens.
"I've brought the wa-"

Darlene puts a bucket on the floor and leaves after witnessing the scene.
Pod follows behind her.
"Well, I"ll leave you to yur business. Come to the town center when you're all settled."

Pod closes the door behind him as he leaves.

Emmilia follows the two who jsut left, bored with watching the fight. As she waits for the others she looks around the village."

The bandaged man is uncertain what manner of mating ritual or feud is unfolding before him. His curiosity is piqued at the sight of the regal woman in rags wandering out into the village. He raises up his hand to gain her attention but only manages to eke out a whispered.

"They do not know you ... you are strangers to them here ..."

Seeing his words failed to reach Emmilia he follows out behind her. When he is fully mobile a more audible sloshing sounds out from beneath the folds of his clothing. He catches up behind the woman just as she exits the home.

"*cough* *cough* *cough* Are you bright like them? The otheeeer strangers that is. Missster Pod spoke of fighting, he must mean those walking armor-flesh-gheists from the castle yess?"

She sighs as she is reminded of the fight, a melancholy look on her face as she remembers her actions. "I do not know what your criteria for 'bright' is so I cannot answer. And with regards to that fight...I tried to stop the fight, even throwing my pride and honor away to try and stop it but it was all for naught."

If the bandaged man has nothing more to say to her, she leaves it at that and goes around the village to see if there is anything she can use her magic on to help the village out.

"Yess but, they are your traveling strangers. Your ... unit. None of you are from here ... and none of these dim folk *cough* will know where you *cough* hail from ... This truth-light will be plaiiiin soon. In all flows there will be release, and so I will follow."

The bandaged man follows behind Emmilia quietly observing her as she tours the village.

Mistah Magyyk Man grabs his stuff and crawls outside too, seeing what dank magyyks are here, if any.

Table Flip

Hit: 5 (4 + 1(target crawling on ground like a cretin))

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

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#1 'normal' :


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#2 'Coin' : 1

As the Magyyk Man attempts to crawl to the door, he turns after hearing the clattering of the table (again) and sees a table, soaring through the air heading directly towards him and gets some deja vu.
He feels an impact as he's pinned to the ground (facing upwards) under the weight of the table.

Kaede & Darkgenesis, please continue here:
https://churchofproz.forumotion.net/t1559-bullshit-rpg-farm-boizzzz

Everyone else stays on this thread for now.

Mistah Magyyk Man moans from the dead weight on him. "Mou, if only it was a trash can..." He pushes the table off and continues to crawl outside.

unarmed: 3