Bullshit RPG: The Story Begins

"Eh, you guys are weird. Welp, I guess I'll take you away from the heart of Gaia. It seems that the general consensus is that it's not a great place to be. A group that was sent here a while back kept killing each other again and again after I kept bringing them back to life. In any case, I'll heal you guys up, so you won't be at a disadvantage after leaving. Also, keep in mind that you will not be brought back to life outside of here. Bye guise"

After the voice finishes speaking, everyone falls to the floor unable to move and their eyes grow dark until they are no longer able to see.
Everyone wakes up at the same time at the edge of a forest. All the items that people were carrying previously are retained while all injuries and effects are removed. past the forest is a large expanse of grasslands, and mountains can be seen further along the grasslands, opposite the forest's edge. A castle can be seen in the distance on the group's right and a small farming community can be seen on the group's left, a path connecting the two. To the group's About 30 feet away from the group, fighting can be seen on the grasslands. A large group of peasants, composed predominantly of those of darker skin, in patchwork clothing wielding makeshift weapons such as pitchforks and farming hoes can be seen fighting a group of armored knights with about 2/5 the numbers.

She moves to about 20 feet to get a better look at the group of knight's heraldry (images on their shields that would denote the lord they serve) to see if she recognizes it.

In order to remain hidden, she only moves forward 5 feet (to 25 feet) and is able to determine that the heraldry is "Marooon a Pale Maroon a Lion Gold". It is not apparent to her as to what house this blazon represents.

"Right, well time to help put down a peasant uprising." She focuses her magic around the armed peasants feet, using her mastery over water and earth magic to first bring ground water closer to the surface and mix it with the earth around their feet to create mud and disrupt their footing.

Magic Affinity 5
Precise Mass Magic (-1 magic affinity)

hit: 4

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

'normal' :

Nothing seems to happen.
Emmilia feels a wave of mental exhaustion come on and go away (lose 1 mana).

She grasps her head for a moment as a sharp pain goes through it for but a moment. "Right lets try something else." She tries to create a wall of earth around some of the peasants to cut them off from the rest of the group.

"Uah, such barbarism! But perhaps it's merely one of those....re-enactments..." Mistah Magyyk Man goes PROne and stealthily crawls through the grass towards the fighting, listening if the combatants are saying anything and seeing what the commotion is about.

sneak success: 5


magic affinity: 5

hit: 5

The member 'The Lord Kelvin' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

---

'normal' :

Finding the tallest patches of grass to crawl through, the Magyyk man slowly advances towards the combatants, listening in on their remarks. Only the Magyyk man can make out what they are saying.

Peasant remarks heard
"Oi, ye greedy fuks, you think you're entitled to everything, aren't you?"
"We arun't paying fer ya damned 'confectionaries'."
"Those things aren't hueman, they have no rights."

Knight remarks heard
"You're all just farmers, obey or be crushed."
"You wouldn't understand the intricacies of our trades."
"We won't let you leave. Stay with the republic or die."

Suddenly circular walls about 7 feet high of dirt burst through the ground, surrounding the peasants and effectively caging them.
Silence fills the field for a moment, before everyone starts clamoring. The knights make confused remarks about how they haven't sent for reinforcements and begin asking who's there while the peasants start banging & scratching at the dirt walls, yelling angry remarks.

Smiling at the result, she approaches the knights and bows her head to them. "Sorry for the intrusion sir knights, I was passing by and figured I would assist you in the capture of these peasants. I am Emmilia Joanric of the Ashwin family."

"Thank you for your assistance, Lady Emmilia. I've never heard of house Ashwin. In any case, we must reward you for your efforts."

One of the knights approach Emmilia and hands her a box.
The rest of the knights begin commanding the peasants to stand down, threatening them with some sort of magical explosive device that would "blow them out of the holes like fish in a barrel".

"It is no problem helping the knights of the realm though I must ask, why do these peasants bear arms against you?"

Mistah Magyyk Man sees if any of the peasants or knights are particularly attractive, or failing that, "perky"

"The peasants don't like some of the changes to our lands' taxes and laws, so they decided to take to violence like the uncultured dirt farmers they are."
The knight holding the box, gestures for Emmilia to take it.

The knights are all wearing plated armor so it is difficult to tell their physical features. Their armor all seems to be of the same standard make, which doesn't include any torpedo breasted features. Among the knights, it is possible to tell that a few are of the female sex, though it is difficult to tell which ones specifically through all the commotion.

She rolls her eyes. "Typical, you think they would be grateful for protection against the dangers that roam the lands in exchange for a tribute to the rightful owners of the land and follow said land's laws." She shakes her head and sighs in exasperation. "But enough about that, if it would not be too much trouble, could you please point me in the direction of the nearest town sir knight?"

Seeing the plight of the oppressed peoples, Jose feels a seething rage gnaw at his reason.

The peasants' dark skin and rugged appearances remind him of his amigos back in his home country, all of whom were just trying to scrape by day to day, with the ravenous vultures that call themselves the government feasting upon their dignity and toil.

Jose clenched his fists so hard his nails dug deep into his rough palms, his shoulders quivering with the urge to bury the knights and that filthy collaborator Emmilia six feet under.

No. Now was not the time.

In the past he learned the hard way that it was unwise to fight from the front, they were just too numerous. It was better to fight darkness under the cover of darkness.

To calm himself down, Jose took a long drag from his joint, and flicked the remaining butt into the fields.

"So, the nearest town is probably the one that the peasants came from. I'd recommend not visiting that one right now. It's rife with hostilities at the moment over these new policies. You're welcome to come with us to the castle if you'd like. There is a castle town there where you might find amenities to suite your traveling needs... I hope it is not too forward of me to assume that you are a traveler. After all, you don't seem to be familiar with the political situation going on here. I'm sure a lady of your stature could catch up on recent events after visiting the library in the castle. I'll make sure that you're allowed in."

Suddenly, several of the knight start sniffing.
"Oi, what's that smell?"

Although faint, it is possible to smell a fragrance that can only be described as d4nk. Several knights forgo their task of subduing the peasants in favor of finding the origin of the dank fragrance.

She nods her thanks. "I do thank you sir knight, it would do well to brush up on current events." She looks towards where she came. "Before I join you though, I must return to my camp and pick up my equipment, as well as inform my traveling companions that I shall be leaving their company and pay for services rendered."

The knight gestures once again to the box.
"Please, accept our reward before you depart. It would be remiss of us to not properly thank you."

One of the knights finds and picks up the joint that Jose flicked into the fields.
Lifting up their helmet's visor, the knight sniffs it and takes a drag; she remarks "This is definitely Thinker's Leaf."
She takes another hit of the joint.
"This seems to have been grown with great care"

Several of the knights form a circle with the smoking knight and they pass the joint around.

The peasants notice the lack presence from the knights that were once surrounding them and begin whispering among themselves.

She nods and takes the box from him. "If you insist, I will accept this reward. I will be but a moment." Emmilia heads back the way she came from.

When she is sufficient distance away she weakens her magics hold on one side of the wall, specifically the one with no knights guarding because they left to smoke the thinkers plant, enough so if the farmers use their tools some of them could escape before being noticed if they are quiet enough, but not weak enough that the remaining knights looking over the wall would notice the change.

When she returns to her companions she opens the box taking half of whatever is inside and tosses the rest to Jose, a blank look on her face as she does and speaking in an equally blank tone. "Take, use it to fund a stay for yourselves at the nearby town and if necessary bribe people to find out what is going on here. I will be doing the same in the castle town and will meet you all in a few days time so we can get to the bottom of this." Saying her piece she goes a further bit away and checks her pack for the supplies and when she is finished heads back in the direction of the knights.

Ooc: Those are quite a few actions. Let's take this slowly for now.

Emmilia opens the box, revealing a freshly baked cake. A dank smell wafts off of it.

Jose was boiling over with anger at the mistreatment of the peasants, and was just about to explode when the woman offered him half of the cake.

Although he was about to refuse, the deliciously dank smell wafting from the cake compelled him to accept instead.

(well that blows up my plan.)

"There is a village near by, find out what exactly is going on, I will be accompanying who ever these knights belong to to the castle town and get an idea as to what is happening on the other side. I'll meet back up in a few days a week at most." She folds her half of the cake up in a piece of cloth from her pack and places it back inside the pack and heads back to the knights.

After a bit, the knight talking to Emmilia angrily berates the smoking knights, telling them to get back to work on subjugating the peasants.

Jose suddenly gets an idea, he rolls another joint, but laces the inside with the laxatives he usually carries for his constipation, and hands it to the knight talking to Emmilia.

"Oh man, why don't you chill for a moment and take a puff yourself, puto? It's not like those peasants can run away."

The knight flips up his visor, revealing a handsome pale face and some strands of long curly black hair.
"I'm assuming you're one of Lady Emmilia's travelling companions."

The knight holds the joint lengthwise, running it along his nostrils as he sniffs the joint. He looks at it endearingly before putting it away.
"This is some quality product. My name is Puck by the way, not Puto; good guess. Unfortunately we are here to do a job, not indulge ourselves, as tempting as it would be. Thank you for your gift, we will celebrate today's victory with this. Your travelling group seems to be quite cultured. I'd like to extend the castle visit invitation to your entire group, should you all wish to come."

The Russian man witnessess all of this happening, and eagerly accepts the invitation to go to the castle.

"Sir Puck, you and your men came out of a life or death battle with little wear on yourselves and even saved a handful of travelers from the hands of that mob. You all deserve to relax, if but momentarily."

"No, we are knights and cannot forsake our duty while there is still potential for complications!"

Several of the knights make disappointed remarks at Puck.
"Aw, come on man, there's no way these peasants will escape given the circumstances."
"You need to chill pick, listen to those travelers!"
"You really need to try out this product for yourself."

Shaking off all the other knights' statements, only reacting to a statement from a knight that seems to be of old age.
"doth thou has't a stick shoved up thy rampallian? Allow thy soldiers their celebration."

The old knight then picks up a stick and whacks Puck over the head with it.
Puck then reluctantly holds the joint forward.
"Fine, you may do as you all please."

Cheers are heard among the ranks of the knights as they all form a circle with Puck and begin passing the joint around. After smoking a round, the old knight beckons to you guys.
"Cometh, join us."

She shakes her head. "I will have to pass, while I do enjoy the occasional tobacco pipe with my family, anything else I just cannot stomach."

The old man turns to the other two. You can't see what sort of face he's making behind his visor, but you imagine that it's an inquisitive look asking what you guys want to do.

Mistah Magyyk Man pops up from the grass, internally disappointed that the old knight was somehow able to spot him.
On the outside though he's pretty stoked about the celebration.

Mistah Magyyk Man crawls away a bit, gets up in a somewhat dignified manner and approaches the group, signaling that he's with Emmilia and company.
"Aw hell yea, I love parties, almost as much as I love magyyk!"
He looks back. "But what about the droid attack on the wookies? those dirty mans over there?"

He didn't spot you, he was asking the russian man and the hispanic man. not duh magyyk man.
(do you still wanna pop out?)

"Please, sir, where are we? What year is it? I come from a distant land, and have been traveling for a while."

"Coequal from a distant land, thee should knoweth the date. Concluded, be it, tis currently 376 AC, second term of harvest. Thee art currently in the the kingdom of Lioneye."

(in response to magyyk man's edited action)
"Ah, another traveller. How many of thee art thither? "

The knight gestures to the magyyk man with the joint.
" Would thee like a puff?"

"I think that's all of us here."

"Ayy, you know what's good mayne." He takes the joint. "sssSMOKE UP!"

The knight scoot a bit, making a space for you in their circle as you smoke the joint.
When you finish taking a drag and releasing, the knight on your right puts his hand out to receive the joint.

Mistah Maggyk Man hands the joint over. "You didn't answer my question, but I got a better one: You got any magicks at that castle of yours?"

Puck responds.
"We were going to wait for you to finish your smoke before responding. In any case, the peasants will be sent to the dungeons; and yes, we study magics in the kingdom of Lioneye."

Suddenly one of the knights let's loose a really loud fart.
Everone looks at the knight whose knees are now shaking intensely.
"May I be excused for a bit, sir? I feel a turtlehead poking out."

Before anyone could respond, the knight fastwalks shakily into the woods beyond your sight. Most of the other knights laugh while a few hold an anxious look on their faces.

"Is something the matter sirs?"

"haha, what are you talking about, haha"
Massive farts begin going off all over the place.
The knights all run into the forest, like a stampeding group of animals.
"I needeth to excrete waste." says the old man in haste as he runs with the other knights.

The Magyyk Man also begins to feel a rumbly in his tumbly.

She looks around to see if there are any other knights around.

There are no longer any knights around the area. A massive wave of stench seems to emanate from somewhere in the forest.

She walks over to the walled peasants. "If anyone is there speak now."

you hear silence for a while.
"oi, wuzzat?"
"shhhhh, shuddup, ya bum. she'll hear us"
"wots wrong withat?"
"ya dumbass, she trapped us here"

"Unlike the knights, I am willing to make a deal, if only there were people still in there. Guess I will just let whoever is in there go to the dungeons, I hear they have a new warden who has certain...tastes."