EARTHQUAKE HOLY powerofpoo!!!!!

Friday, July 16. 5:00 am. The day the world ended. A killer earthquake occurred in central Maryland, epicenter in Gaithersburg with a 6.3 magnitude. I almost didn't survive it. The original quake came quickly, first shattering all the windows in my house, then shifting all the walls and furniture off kilter several inches. In a state of panic, my family rushed out of the house just before the roof collapsed on our entire block. The ground was still shaking severely, and I could see columns of smoke and hear screaming in the distance. We didn't have much time, so we packed what little things we had time for and hightailed it to the freeway. It was a nightmare to behold, there were either stationary car wrecks that jittered our already raw nerves as we passed by, and other refugees speeding past us in their own vehicles. Suddenly we found ourselves sandwiched between an 18 wheeler truck and a blue minivan lagging a bit behind us, and some sort of modified car engine was roaring behind us. Checking the rearview mirror, I caught a glimpse of the red sedan just before it slammed into the car, sending the whole machine flying several feet into the air, flipping over and impacting the truck. Both vehicles grinded to a stop, and my parents gasped in horror. I looked down and saw a large and heavy metal panel on my abdomen pinning me down on the truck, whose engine had broken down. Rivulets of my own blood flowed down the panel, soaking it a deep crimson red. I looked for the source of the blood and nearly passed out when I saw a 3 foot piece of steel pierced through my rib cage. People gathered around and frantically attempted to pull me out, but then the ground lurched again, and some gave up. "Go!!" I cried. "Save yourselves, I'll figure something out!!" They left, in fear of their lives. But one man stayed back, with an idea and a crowbar. I can't remember what he looked like besides his unshaven face and messy black hair. He managed to get the panel off, but it took our combined efforts to painfully wrench the jagged steel shard embedded in my body out. I let out a low, deep scream of agony as the wound began to flow in earnest. The man managed to temporarily close my wound with duct tape, then told me to run as I had to the other survivors. I ran, at what seemed like 60 mph. The last time I saw the man, it looked as if another speeding car was about to crash into him. But I never looked back.

I had reached the town fairgrounds after hearing that that it was a center for evacuation. I had almost made it when a third resurge caused a giant yawning chasm to open up ahead of me, cutting my escape route off. I fell to the earth in despair as the last helicopter lifted off from the grounds. I felt angry, frustrated, and betrayed after I had spastically attempted to signal any of them for rescue, but no one had heeded my call and I was left for dead. I heard a scream coming from the chasm, and rushed over to find a girl about my age clinging at the edge of the abyss. Deciding that I should at least die with my conscience resolved, I hung down over the edge and reached out. "Grab my hand!" I shouted to her. She managed to stretch out an arm and latch on. But with all the frenetic events that took place today, my arms were covered in sweat, and she began to slip. "NOOOO!!! I will not die with this stigma attached to me forever!!!" With renewed inner strength, I managed to pull the girl up, and we ran for the nearby shopping center just as little mini chasms started ripping the ground asunder, spreading from the main gap. Staggering, we collapsed together in tears in a grocery store, as I heard one of those overhead television sets announce, "Our heroes safe and sound, the rest of the movie will now be a romantic comedy. We apologize for the inconvenience." In the next few hours, I built a Harley-Davidson motorcycle from scratch using parts from dollar store and the computer repair place, made out like crazy with my new girlfriend, and we sped off happily together away from the desolate town on the motorbike, honking the attached rubber ducky horn all the way to the next state. Oh, and the priest at our marriage was Ms. Binns

And that my friends is how you get laidsurvive an zombie apocalypseearthquake. This is what happens when you make a dramatic misinterpretation of scientific data. Thanks to Cameron Rhode for certain elements of the story.

WOW.
That's an incredible story Koo-ay. Heartmelting :'(
I like the XKCD reference btw ;P

Did god send you an earthquake on ur birthday? NOOOOO

but he did 4 u, either god loves u or he's attempting to kick ur ass on the most ironic day of the year.
wayne that entire load of powerofpoo was BS

You're just jealous of my 1337 writing skillz larry.