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Myocardial Infarction Round 2 - Untitled

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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-11, 23:32

Myocardial Infarction: Round 2
Writing, fighting, and heart att...

Here begins Round 2 of the wonderful game introduced to us by @Dave. (Round 1 can be found here.)

If you want to know the rules or have any questions about how this works, see the rules thread. This is the story thread. Accepted story pieces will appear in yellow and this post will link to and summarize each chapter as they are written. Below is the current outline of the story.


Outline
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Authors
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Text
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-12, 15:14

Note: @Xenoe's house rule applies here:

You cannot vote for your own beginning entry (this is to prevent a tie because everyone voted for their own entry). Thus, in the case that you like your submission the most, vote for the 'next best' one.
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-05-12, 19:40

I will take the initiative.

Author: Chillary Flinton

“¡No! ¡Amigo! ¡You don’t have to do this!” A stocky, heavily mustached Latino man desperately held back his taller, well-muscled buddy by the forearm.

“No. I must, mi amigo. Other people might afraid, but I am not. Those pigs killed mi hermanos when they were just taking a stroll by the border, when they were just little innocent ninos. ¡If there is nobody that will uphold justice, then I will be the one!”

The taller man gave his friend a look of determination, before ripping his arm free and getting into his old 1978 Ford F-150 pickup. A nuclear bomb sat in the trunk, the blood-red sunset gleamed off the “Made in North Korea” label as Jose sped off towards the north.

Just twenty-three miles away, a blonde border agent, sporting a confederate flag bandana, handlebar mustache, and Ray-Ban shades, looked out from behind the crenellations of a magnificent thirty foot tall wall, flanked by two glaring marble busts of his president.

It was a slow job ever since they installed that anti-personnel minefield at the base of the wall, but there was still the occasional foolhardy fellow that ventured close enough to be considered a trespasser.

As the agent began fantasizing about defending his cou


Last edited by Xenoe on 2017-05-15, 12:55; edited 2 times in total
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-13, 21:21

Here's my entry

Author: Scaramouche

Skye shuffled into Church, wondering-let’s say she really was possessed by demons-if Christ’s protection would make her feel any better. A wave of freezing air bit right through her mostly-glitter dress and numbed her thumping headache to a mild pulse.

A bump resounded through the pews, and Father Patrick scrambled to his feet from behind the lectern, knocking over an empty bottle as he rose. “Abigail?!” he said, still shaking off his whiskey-induced stupor. “By St. Abel’s left nut, I told you I don’t swing that way.”

“I, I think I’m po-UGH,” Skye said, collapsing, as the fire in her loins rose to a fever point. She dumped the contents of her handbag on the ground, snatched up the vibrator remote, and shuddered as a wave of relief spread through her body. She could barely hear it over Patrick’s hurried footsteps, but there was a quiet dripping from her thighs, almost in time with the heaving of her hips. The phantom lust slowly seeped away.

“Child,” Patrick said, looking more serious than she had ever seen him, “you’re possessed. Did you see a demon?”

Skye struggled to catch her breath. “I think so. He was perfect last night. And I felt great until the morning. All he left was this card:”

白眉神
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-05-13, 23:52

Author: Bram Jaimi

It was a breezy afternoon when Jeffrey walked into Frank's Bank. "Aw man," he groaned in dismay at seeing the long line of people waiting to be served. For some reason there was only one teller working today. His stomach growled, as it had been doing since this morning when those bullies had stolen his lunch money at school. He’d get his revenge on them some day, but for now he reluctantly walked over to the end of the line.

Suddenly the front doors burst open and two masked men ran in carrying large cloth sacks.
“EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW!” shouted one.
“I HAVE A GUN!” shouted the other, who was indeed brandishing a gun.

Most of the bank customers started wailing and crying “Oh no!” in fear. But not Jeffrey, for he was no ordinary high school student. In fact, Jeffrey knew just what to do in this kind of scenario.

He jumped out of line and ran in front of the masked men.
“Not so fast, criminals! I’m here to stop you!” he declared.
The two men took one look at Jeffrey and burst into laughter. “Haha, you’re just a kid, what are you going to do?”

Jeffrey opened his backpack and pulled out
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Post by Skraal on 2017-05-14, 01:22

Author: Ken Montgomery

“According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyways. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.”

Jack Ryan waited as the fluorescent lights flickered overhead, his radio sitting useless on his desk. All communication from the outside world had ceased several hours before. It was only a matter of time until they arrived.

The marine leaned back in his chair as his eyes traced one of the many cracks in the cement wall nearby. He had been expecting this for years, ever since that goddamn trial. Too bad the higher-ups had their heads stuck too far up their asses to listen to him. They had arrogantly assumed that humanity’s position was fixed at the top of the food chain. They were wrong.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a faint buzzing sound coming from outside.

Shit.

He had a feeling that his gun wasn’t going to be of much use here. His eyes scanned over the room before settling on a copy of Italian Vogue peeking out from one of his desk drawers. The marine picked it up, rolling it up into a sort of fan shape.

Mamma mia, that sure is a lot of pages...
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Post by Dave on 2017-05-15, 13:33

Author: Vince Gilligan

It was two weeks since the cucco incident, and I was just starting to recover. The red potion really does miracles, but it tastes like a Goron's backside and costs more silver rupees than I see in a month. I spent the morning sweeping feathers out of every nook and cranny in the farmhouse, just a small part of the compensation the old man demanded. Looks like I was going to have to smash all the pots in the market, twice, just to manage the first payment. Not to mention the Deku lawyer's fee. No doubt about it, I needed cash - fast.

There was only one thing for it: I needed to move more Deku weed. I drafted a quick letter and sent it to my partner via the Postman.

"T: Meet in the Lost Woods, old spot. Bring the RV, magic balloons, and 'fairy dust.' No need to say more. - L"

I took a moment to sit down and think. This was risky, but there was no other way. I wasn't about to take handouts from the royal family. First order of business was to make the product, then the real work begins. It's been years since I've pushed weed, and in that time a plethora of rival cookeries has sprung up across Hyrule, stealing my perfect recipe. There would have to be a showdown with each of them to win back our turf. Not to mention all the ca


Last edited by Dave on 2017-05-15, 14:12; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-15, 13:59

Those were all the beginning entries we were expecting, so let the voting commence!

I vote for Ken Montgomery
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-05-15, 14:11

My vote goes to Bram Jaimi.
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Post by Dave on 2017-05-15, 14:15

I vote Bram Jaimi.
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Post by Skraal on 2017-05-16, 00:19

I vote for Chillary Flinton.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-05-16, 19:05

I vote for Vince Gilligan!
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-17, 00:53

Bram Jaimi wins!

Author: Papa Mars

a Twix bar. Even if he didn’t have lunch, he would always have enough money for this delicious biscuit, covered in caramel and dipped in chocolate. Jeffrey knew something that the other kids didn’t: when you needed a moment, you really could chew it over with Twix.

Jeffrey ripped off the Twix wrapper and stuffed it in his mouth just as the gunman raised his firearm. The gunman froze. And so did everyone around him.

Jeffrey ran towards the gunman, chewing as slowly as possible: he savored the sweet, chocolaty taste of the Twix bar; the gooey, caramel insides, and the crunchy texture of the biscuit. The gunman stood a whole two heads above him, and sported a muscular build. Jeffrey leaped with all his might and socked his foe on the chin, socking him once more for good measure. Hopefully when time resumed, the gunman would go tumbling towards the ground.

Almost out of breath, and out of Twix to chew, Jeffrey threw his whole weight into prying the gun out of the larger man’s hands. His big fingers would not budge, and Jeffrey’s overexertion caused him to choke on the biscuit crumbs that he had neglected to chew properly.

Time resumed, and Jeffrey realized with despair that the gunman was falling o
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-05-17, 11:23

Author: Bob the Banker

(o)n to him, the gunman’s eyes stuck in two different zip-codes.

However, Jeffrey had been training for this moment for as long as he could remember, after having discovered his candy bar related powers. His reflexes quickly kicked into gear, and he ducked out of the way just in nick of time before the knocked out gunman landed beside him with a thud, dropping his weapon beside him.

“What the hell did that kid just do?!”

“Is he some kind of Super!?”

The other gunman were obvious in a panic after this sudden, unanticipated event threw their plans into a jumble, but he had enough wits left to level his weapon at Jeffrey.

Oh no!

Jeffrey hadn’t really expected this to happen in the heat of the moment, and was really in a panic at this point, but thankfully he remembered he still had the Twix wrapper in his hands.

I just need a bit of time, just a little bit! He thought, and the chocolate left inside of the wrapper was going to give him just that. He quickly stuffed the wrapper into his mouth, and felt time slow once again.

Jeffrey dove and grabbed the fallen gunman’s weapon, and unloaded the entire magazine into the guy who had a gun pointed at him, turning the unfortunate fellow into Swiss cheese. The others in t


I didn't count the (o) because it is a continuation from the previous post, just to make it easier to read.
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-05-17, 17:48

Author: Carrie Garlston

he bank all gaped in shock at the man’s sudden, inexplicable transformation into a vaguely human-shaped hunk of cheese.
Jeffrey himself stared at the gun in his hand with a mixture of horror and fascination. Did I really do that? he wondered. What kind of gun is this?

He’d have to figure that out later, as there were more important matters at hand. Jeffrey kicked the prone gunman to ensure he was down, then addressed the customers.
“D-gack!”
Or at least he attempted to do so. He went over to a trash can to spit out the remnants of the chewed up Twix wrapper, then came back for a second try.
“Don’t worry everyone, I’ve subdued the criminals. You’re safe now!”
A wave of relief spread over the people, with cheers and cries of “Hooray!” here and there.
“Wow, that was amazing!” remarked the lone teller.
“Good job, young man!” said one of the women in line.
“You’re welcome, m’lady,” Jeffrey replied while tipping his fedora.

“But not good enough.”
“Huh?”
Jeffrey looked back to see that the woman was also wearing a mask. She stepped out of line, drew a gun from her long red coat and took aim at Jeffrey. The people gasped.
“You may have beaten my goons, but your tricks won’t work on me!”
“Oh really?” Jeffrey gr
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-05-17, 21:09

Author: Joseph Harding

asped at the inside of his backpack only to find that the Twix bar he just ate was the only candy he had packed today.

The mysterious woman did not wait for Jeffrey to come up with plan b before pulling the trigger to her own gun.

Thankfully Jeffrey’s honed reflexes caught the minute twitch of the woman’s index finger, allowing him to dive behind a nearby table. The bullet ended up being an inch too high, and Jeffrey’s prized fedora was turned into Swiss cheese in his stead, slipping onto the floor from the momentum of his maneuver.

Oh crap, these guys are from the Ricotta mafia I saw on the news the other day. I wonder what made them switch to Swiss?

It was clear that Jeffrey was really in a panic now, his mind drifted started to drift to topics unrelated to his immediate survival.

His question was ironically answered by the last line of defense he put between him and the woman turning into a porous piece of dairy, the holes in the cheese provided a clear line of fire for anyone hiding behind transmogrified cover.

“Ahahaha, this ends here kid. It didn’t have to be this way, but you just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong.”

Click. Click. The woman pulled the trigger, but it seemed she was out of am


Last edited by Xenoe on 2017-05-25, 00:34; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-05-23, 08:53

Author: Benjamin Ezreali

mo. "What! I missed every shot?"
Realizing this as well, Jeffrey stood up from behind the Swiss-cheesed table.
"Hah! Looks like you're the one who's out of tricks now," he said with a smile.
She gritted her teeth. "You're just lucky I didn't bring a spare magazine, kid."
"Nah, it was all skill," Jeffrey proclaimed, approaching the woman. "Time to face justice, lawbreaker."
"Not quite. I still have one more trick left." She produced a gray ball from her coat and raised it.
Jeffrey stopped short out of caution. What's she holding?
"You may have foiled our plan for now, but you won't be so lucky next time!"
She threw the ball down. Upon hitting the ground it exploded, releasing a thick cloud of gray smoke into the bank.
"No!" Jeffrey shouted, but with his senses impeded there was not much he could do.

When the smoke cleared, the woman was gone.
Jeffrey sighed. Darn it, I didn't expect the smoke bomb!
An elderly bank patron patted him on the back. "It's alright young man, you did a pretty good job already."
“Thanks,” Jeffrey said, feeling a little better. He glanced at the clock on the wall, and realized with dread that lunch period was ending in 5 minutes.
Oh no! I’m going to be late for class!
Jeffrey
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-05-24, 13:57

Author: Sam I Will Be

turned toward the bank’s entrance, only to see through the window a squad of police cars pulling into the parking lot. The sirens stopped as car doors slammed shut and officers surrounded the building.

“Don’t move! Stay away from the door!”

A fidgeting man, decked in head to toe in body armor, saw that as his call to action. He hoisted a battering ram meant for two people, and smashed through the bank’s entrance.

“Aw Christ Jim, that was a ‘pull’ door!”

Jim merely howled and jumped aside as the rest of the squad streamed into the room. One officer was handling a large K-9 that started sniffing at Jeffrey’s swiss-cheesed fedora.

“Please don’t eat that!” Jeffrey cried.

The dog-handler scowled and seemed about to retort, but instead called out toward the entrance. “Captain Yao! I’ve found a suspect.”

A bearded man that was built like an ox stepped in, his thumbs hooked through his belt loops. He looked straight at Jeffrey and grinned, revealing a mouth full of wide, white teeth. “Well hello there. What’s a schoolboy doing in the bank?”

Jeffrey broke out into a cold sweat. His mission was so top-secret, he couldn’t even tell the police!

Just then, the K-9 took a lick of the abandoned Twix wrapper
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-05-24, 14:23

Author: Tony®

and instantly started frothing at the mouth, shivering like a naked African caught in a Siberian snowstorm. Little did the dog know, Jeffrey only ate the newest Twix Deluxe® bars, with ten times the chocolatey goodness of a normal Twix bar!

“No! Pretzels! What’s happening to you?!” The dog-handler cried in panic.

The muscled, bearded man had caught all that transpired in his watchful eye, and quickly grabbed the other policeman by the collar.

“No Timmy don’t panic! I saw Pretzels lick that Twix wrapper, it must be highly toxic!” He bellowed.

This is the perfect opportunity to make a clean getaway.

Jeffrey quickly pulled out his telescopic skateboard from his backpack, and did a sick kick flip as he sped out of the broken bank door.

“Hey that kid is getting away, stop him!”

The police outside could only stare in jealous awe as Jeffrey smoked their lame asses, blasting past them down the street. They tried to draw their weapons when they finally recovered their wits, but Jeffrey was long gone.

Just as he made the turn into the schoolyard gates, Jeffrey slammed into another student who looked way too old to be in high school and was built like a firehouse, knocking them both to the ground.

“Hey
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-05-30, 04:11

Author: Jerry Spaghetti

, what gives?”

“Sorry! I’m so sorry about tha- Stewart?

As the other student got up Jeffrey recognized the face of his best friend since elementary school. Both boys grinned.

“Ayyy, Jeffrey, my man!” Stewart gave him a hearty clap on the back. “You alright?”

Jeffrey dusted himself off and checked to see his skateboard was undamaged. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Stewart raised his hands. “It’s all cool then, no harm done. So what’s up with you? You skipping class too?”

“What? No! I just got a little...held up on the way back.” Jeffrey scratched the back of his head nervously, hoping Stewart wouldn't ask for details.

"Oh. Well, do you wanna skip with me? They got a new video game at Albrecht's Arcade, and I'm headed over to check it out."

It sounded like fun, but despite being best friends Jeffrey didn't share Stewart's delinquent habits.

"No, I'm not skipping, and neither should you. You might miss something important after all. I know I would."

"Right, you wouldn't want to miss anything important," Stewart gave a conspiratorial wink.

Just then, the school bell rang.

"Oh no! Sorry Stewart, I really have to go!" Jeffrey sped past into the building.

"Good luck!" Stewart called after him. “Don’t forget
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Post by Zhu Yang on 2017-06-01, 11:25

Author: Amorous Aardvark

-” but Jeffrey had already taken off on his telescopic skateboard, leaving his good friend Stewart behind with his frivolous reminders. He weaved through the hallway, feeling the stale, asbestos-filled air stream through his hair.

Jeffrey had fifth period English in the stanky old classroom near the cafeteria, where they kept all the trash and compost near the closest entrance. Since there was no ventilation in the room, that smell just sort of accumulated since the start of the school year.

This is how the students explained Mr. Davidson’s sour look, ever since he had been assigned to teach 7th grade English. Today, he looked particularly rancid.

“Jeffrey,” he said, massaging his temples, “I know you aren’t a bad kid, but you have to stop causing trouble before my class.”

“Oh geez, sorry Mr. Davidson. What did I do this time-”

“-Ask them,” he said, pointing to the police officers that had snuck up from behind Jeffrey.

Reacting off of pure fear, Jeffrey grabbed his telescopic skateboard and prepared to leave these losers behind…before face-planting onto the ground. The fidgety man had yanked the skateboard out from under Jeffrey’s feet, and promptly snapped it in two.

“Why hello
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Post by Xenoe on 2017-06-18, 14:16

Author: The Meat

Mr. Jeffrey Whigs, or should I call you The Skater?”

It was then that Jeffrey noticed these men were not the policemen he had encountered at the bank, they knew the secret alias that he only used in the darkness of night. The best thing he could do at this moment was then to act dumb.

“Hun, my name sure is Jeffrey Whigs, and I sure do love skating, but I didn’t know that was a crime?”

The policemen merely grunted at Jeffrey’s words, and dragged him off the ground and out the door in a powerful vice grip, without even reading him his Miranda rights.

These guys might not even be policemen at all.

The uniformed men dragged Jeffrey all the way to a suspicious unmarked black van before shoving him inside.

“Hey watch it, I got rights bubs, this is a free country!”

Too bad he had no more candy, and even if he had some it didn’t seem like he would have the chance to consume any.

“Hey! Free mah man Jeffrey, he ain’t do nothing wrong!”

Just when Jeffrey was about to despair lo and behold there was his best buddy Stewart!

“Hey! Stewart, help a man out will ya? Get these losers off of me!”

Stewart didn’t ask why or how, but immediately tighten his rock-hard bicep and barreled into one of the men like a steamroller, smashing
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Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-06-20, 21:02

Author: Zamboni

him into the side of the van, caving it in. "Stop! You're interfering with police business!" the fidgety man shouted as his comrade was pummeled.

"Don't listen to them Stewart, they're not real cops!" Jeffrey jumped out and put up his hands, preparing to engage in some serious fisticuffs.

Unfortunately for Jeffrey, the "policemen" didn't share his sense of fair play, and whipped out long black stun batons.

“So you figured it out, huh?” one of them said. “Looks like we’re going to have to do this the hard way.” Their batons crackled with electricity.

Stewart dropped his comatose victim on the ground. “There’s only two left, Jeffrey. We can take ‘em!”

Jeffrey shook his head. “No, it’s too dangerous! Let’s just get out of here!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been in tougher fights than this. Come on!"

Stewart rushed forward, swinging a meaty fist at his target. The fake policeman evaded the punch, but didn’t expect a follow up kick to the groin. The foot delivered an unending holocaust of pain as it rocketed into his crotch.
“Ha! Gottem!”
Stewart’s victory was cut short by the last fake cop jamming a baton into his side. A dreadful buzzing ensued, and Jeffrey’s best buddy hit the ground convulsing.

"NO
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Post by The Lord Kelvin on 2017-06-21, 01:04

Author: Honhonhon Labaguette
 
  ("NO)! Goddamnit Stewart! Stop slacking off. You slack off at school, and now you're slacking off at the art of delinquency. I've had it with you."
 
  The remaining "policeman" wasted no time while Jeffrey yelled at Stewart's fallen body, charging at The Skater. "You should really be taking me seriou-"
 
  The man's world spun as his feet were swept from under him. The concrete accelerated towards his face, and everything went black.
 
  "Geez Jeffrey, why are you criticizing me like this?" Stewart began dragging the unconscious uniformed bodies into the van. "I was trying to surprise the fucker while he thought I was down."
 
  Jeffrey sighs and starts searching the van. "I'm sorry, bro. Today's just not been my day. I just have a lot on my mind right now." He pulls a wheel of swiss cheese out from under the passenger side seat. The boys looked each other in the eyes. The boys had to move, and fast. Taking the batons, the boys run to the school’s cafeteria and smash open the vending machine.
 
  “Hey! What are you boys doing? I’m taking you to the princi-“ There was a loud boom as the cafeteria became a mess. Slices of swiss cheese splattered everywhere; to be more precise, the lunch lady splattered everywhere.
 
  From o
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Myocardial Infarction Round 2 - Untitled Empty resurrection!

Post by Corenat Rovarnus on 2017-08-07, 23:20

Author: Serry Jeinfeld

utside came the sound of screaming. Had the scene been discovered already?

There was no point worrying about it now, so the boys went on with scooping up all the cash and change from the ruins of the vending machine, Jeffrey grabbing a few candy bars for the road as well. They ran outside to see the screaming was just Nervous Ned being shaken down by a bully. Relieved, the boys continued towards the van.

“Shotgun!” Stewart called.

“No, I’ll take shotgun. You’re the one who looks old enough to drive, remember?”

“Yeah yeah, I was just joking.”

The boys hopped inside the vehicle, which fortunately still had the key in the ignition. Stewart started the engine and was about to hit the gas when Jeffrey interjected.

“Wait! We forgot to buckle up first!”

“Are you serious? They could be here any minute now!”

“Come on Stewart, you know how it works. Click it or ticket!”

Stewart groaned at such a corny rhyme, but he fastened his seat belt too.

“Alright, let’s roll!” He floored it, and the van sped off across town to Aesop’s Chop Shop, where Stewart had a friend who could take care of this mess.

“So, what’s the deal with these guys?” Stewart asked as they drove along.

Was it time to come clean?

“Well, the truth is
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Myocardial Infarction Round 2 - Untitled Empty Re: Myocardial Infarction Round 2 - Untitled

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