The Chocolate Destiny Survival Guide

A few tips on how to survive my world, and my somewhat surreal style of GM'ing. 'Common sense' and 'reason' are not very prominent concepts in my mind, and so I will try to painstakingly spell things out, often using operative phrases like "greater than zero". For the smarter number of you this may be as brain-melting to read as it was to write, but for the...rest I'm sure it will be downright helpful, if not enjoyable to boot.

"I will be fair but firmly cruel" --Brony Stark

1. The most important rule: It's not ogre til I say its ogre. You're not dead until I declare "[your name] is kill". No matter how bad things look, as long as I haven't said that it means I believe you still have a greater than zero chance at surviving. So...NEVAH GIVE UP!

2. If you're on fire, you should probably put it out. If you have the opportunity to set yourself on fire, you should probably not take it. You don't want to miss out on later opportunities to set other things on fire, do you?

3. I won't screw you over if you don't explicitly state "common sense" actions like eating, drinking, sleeping, and going to the bathroom. Keeping track of that will only come into the foreground in a survival situation or if things get really boring. Although the latter should never occur if I'm doing my job right.

4. On the other hand I'm not going to hold your hand on basic survival skills/logic. If there's something painfully obvious you can do right away to achieve success or avoid death, JAST DOO EET! If it comes down to it, I'd rather let you die than take control and do it for you.
"Killing idiots is the greatest joy in life" --Voldemort, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

5. Of course, I also frown on suicide. If your death would not be entertaining enough, I would rather prolong your suffering or inflict a fate worse than death.

6. You can always talk. Sentient beings often appreciate having a conversation partner, although there are limitations on how much talking can be done based on their character and the situation..

7. You can always fight. Rest assured that no matter how bad a situation looks, you have a greater than zero chance at all times of killing everyone in your immediate vicinity and making it out alive. I GUARANTEE IT!

Written in emacs