Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

"Aight, I'm glad ur on board. Lezgo!"

The mountains loom further up in the path, and a river winds to the right, but instead of approaching either of these natural wonders Lee Gray turns the party around and leads them over to a small cluster of buildings. This village consists of several residences, a bustling inn, and several commercial establishments. To Gray, the only ones of note are a blacksmith's forge, a large general goods store called "Miner's Stop", and what appears to be a gigantic mushroom with a door and windows embedded in the side.

"Nice idea, mayne. We should stock up on cheesy poofs to give the wizard before encountering him. Lets find the nearest snax shop"

"Sure thing, heres some cash to do so."
Gray hands Jorah some coins to go buy cheesy poofs while he lugs the slag of funny mithril into the blacksmith's shop.

Right next to the general store is a specialty store called "Photon Camp". Jorah enters and beholds all manner of cheesy products. Cheese wheels, Lymeshan milkleaves, but strangely enough no cheese curls or cheese puffs.
The apron-clad shopkeeper greets you. "Hi, I'm Frank Frill. I sell cheese and cheese accessories."

Gray parks the wagon outside the forge and carries the block in, feeling the strange sensation again as he does so.

The member 'Corenat Rovarnus' has done the following action : Dice Roll\'d

'Coin' : 2

The sensation subsides once more. The blacksmith's eyes bulge at the sight of Gray's prize.
"Great Merciful Mother, what do you want me to do with THAT?"

Jorah goes around and examines the cheese products scattered about the store.
After much contemplation, Jorah shakes his head with disappointment.
"No, no. This will not do."
Jorah turns approaches the owner
"Frank, my dear frank. I consider myself a connoisseur whose expertise lies in the area of snacks. I've completed many a vision quest in search of the most affordable yet exquisite cheese product. I will share my findings with you, if you help me produce a batch of 'cheesy poofs'"

Frank is impressed by your experience. "Wow, really? How can we get started?"

"It's simple really, first off we'll need a pot of hot oil or lard, beaten raw eggs, and a mix of flour & bread crumbs."
Jorah walks back over to the selection of cheeses
"Then we'll need to select a cheese. Something that goes well with plain bread"
Jorah picks up a random small piece of cheese and goes through some motions to help explain what he says next
"After we have our materials, we take our cheese, dip it in the eggs, coat it with the flour & bread crumbs, run a wooden rod through it, and dip it in the hot oil/lard for around 5 minutes."
Jorah puts the small piece of cheese back from whence it came
"izgenius, yeh?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I've certainly never heard of cooking that way before. Plain bread..." He looks over his cheeses. "I think I have most of the ingredients. But eggs might take a bit of haggling, and I don't know where I'm going to get a whole pot of oil."

"I need for it to be melted down and reforged as light armor."

Gray replies to the blacksmith.

"And perhaps as other things as well, but the armor comes first. Be careful though, this block feels kind of strange when handled, I don't know why."

"Since we're in this together, Frank, I will use my funds to acquire some oil while you handle the eggs. That sounds reasonable, yeh?"
"Also do you have a pot?"

"You'd like some chain mail eh?" the blacksmith says to Gray. "I think I can do that. Will you pay in rooks or shall I take a portion of the mithril as my fee?"

Frank springs into motion. "Of course, of course, very good. I have a pot, I'll get it cleaned up."

"I was thinking more along the lines of cuirass plate, and you can take a portion of the mithril as I do not thing I need it all anyways."

Gray replies.

"Alright then, I'll go around town to look for any willing suppliers. I'll come back once I've found someone"
Jorah exits the shop and looks around for any restaurants that may use oil or any candle shops that may use lard instead of wax for their products.

The blacksmith gives Gray an incredulous look. "You said you wanted light armor. Well, it'll still be pretty light in terms of weight because of the mithril, but a cuirass plate will cost you more, and I'll need to get your measurements. Is that alright with you?"

Jorah finds that this settlement isn't prosperous or developed enough to have restaurants, and the candle shops are fat-free. He is forced to resort to the general goods store, and is charged 80 rooks for the oil.

"Man these guys must really value health to wanna ensure that their candles are all fat-free," mumbles Jorah.
Jorah approaches the store clerk with the oil in hand.
"why dis b 80 rooks, mayne? Dis don't seem rite."

"If you hadn't noticed, this isn't such a great place for olive orchards. We gotta have it shipped in from Serpiente."

"Sure thing, go ahead Mr. Smith," Gray took an open pose waiting to be measured, "although I'm not quite sure how plate armor is actually more expensive to make than chain, I'll leave it to your judgement on such matters."

"What, you don't get 2 day free shipping with amazon prime?"
"Do you sell lard? Or do you guys not have animals here either?"

The equivalent amount of lard is priced at a more reasonable 40 rooks.

"Alright then, let's get started." The blacksmith takes Gray's measurements, and takes the block. [1]

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'Coin' : 1

The blacksmith suddenly stands up straight as a ramrod, his eyes staring into space. He grips the block close to his chest, and a small piece of it seems to slough off. He takes it up and offers it to Gray. "Here is your change, sir."

"Alright, I guess this price is fine."
Jorah buys the lard and heads back to the cheese shop with it.
"ey, Frankie, we in bizniz"

Gray backs off slightly taken bothered by what had unfolded before him.

"Mr. Smith, why don't you first forge the armor, the change can wait."

Back at the cheese shop Jorah finds Frank Frill standing before a pot, a bag of flour, and a loaf of bread. He is dressed in some kind of yellow suit and what appear to be goggles on his face. With a wide grin he holds up his hands, six eggs nestled between his fingers. "It's time to cook."

"Oh. The armor is what you want. Understood." Putting the piece back into the block, the blacksmith disappears into a back room. Gray hears a loud screeching sound. Moments later the smith emerges with a mithril cuirass plate in one hand and a diminished block in the other. "Here is your product, sir."

"Alright Mr. White Frill. The process should be fairly simple, and my specialty lies in music rather than cooking, so I'll play summa duh musix to cheer you on! unless of course you need me to do something"
After saying his spiel, Jorah begins playing a song:

The cooking begins! The fire is lit, and the lard heats up. A knife is taken to the loaves to create crumbs. Under your careful guidance and moral support, Frank Frill creates a type of food that the world has never seen before. They are not cheesy 'poofs' but rather cheesy sticks. The breading is uneven with some of the cheese underneath peeking through, but the end result is stable and, after careful testing, edible.
"Marvelous! Simply marvelous! Where did you come up with this recipe?"

"You see, before I became the world-reknown bard I am today, I was dirt-poor. As such, I often had to scavenge for my food. some of the most common foods that I would find would be cheese and bread. One time I was eating a sandwich made of leftover cheese and bread when some fools who don't appreciate real music came over to insult my talent. They said that my singing was a disgrace and 'punished' me by pouring some hot butter down my throat. Das not nice. Although my throat was burning, I was able to find pleasure in the experience. It tasted sooooo gud. I had to haz moar. But alas, I did not have the means to safely recreate the experience. So one day, when I was puffin sum magic grass, I had duh munchies and craved summa dat hot oil cheese bread and devised this method of creating..."
Jorah holds his hands out and exclaims:
"DA CHEEZY POOF!"

Gray, a little wizened towards the unnatural sensation that he had passed off as harmless earlier, motioned the blacksmith to his wagon parked right outside.

"Perhaps Mr.Smith, you can wrap that armor in wool or some other cushioning so that I can carry it without tarnishing the surface?"

"Capital! We should start a business for this, you and I," Frank suggests to Jorah. [1 batch of cheesy poofs gained]

"No need. Easy to clean." The blacksmith puts the armor in the wagon and walks out into the town.

Gray watches as Mr. Smith vanishes into town, shaking his head.

"I wonder what came over him all of a sudden..."

Gray seats himself in his wagon, careful not to touch the armor, and goes to find Jorah.

"Whoa, is that a breastplate? Let me see!" One of the bondage enthusiasts picks up the armor. [2]

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'Coin' : 2

The woman freezes for a moment, then starts walking alongside the wagon. "You need to feel this texture!" The others close in.

It is only a short walk over to Frank Frill's cheese shop, where Gray meets back up with Jorah.

"How about this, Mr. Frill. Name this product 'Poofs from Cabot' or 'PF-Cabot's' for short and allow me to obtain the product for free wherever you're distributing the product. In exchange for these benefits, you will have sole ownership over this product and gain all the profits."
Jorah turns and sees Gray
"Oh, hey man, u gotta try dese cheesy poofs"
Jorah grabs a cheesy poof and hands it to Gray.

"Simply exquisite," Gray crunches on cheesy snack, "although I feel that it would go better with a drink as it gets quite salty."

"Weird, I don't recall adding any salt." Frank swallows another cheesy poof and smiles at Jorah. "You've got a shrewd mind for business, Goodman Cabot. You're like an Abatosian, only nicer. I accept your terms! I'm going to cook up another batch, see if I can get more folks hooked on it. Who knows, I might even be able to move out of this place!"

One of the bondage enthusiasts walks in with a vacant expression and closed fists. "We are going to work. Goodbye," he announces, and walks back out.

"Ye, bizniz! Oh yeah."
Jorah holds out his right hand, palmside down, to Frank. "If you or any of your futire bizniz associates ever see this ring"
Jorah points to the Cabot family ring with his left hand
"Then you'll know it be me, Jorah Cabot, lookin fo summa dem cheesy poofs"
Jorah then turns to Gray.
"Wut dat guy mean by work? Dey workin on sumptin ta defete duh wizerd?"
Jorah thinks for a moment.
"Right, we should ask Bill Nye the Science Guy for better directions"
Jotah goes to the Volkswagen to look for the mithril block.
After seeing the mithril armor, Jorah exclaims
"Oh noh! What hav dey dun to u? Bill, u k thar buddy?"

"Shiieeet mayne, I went thru one a dem transformations! I'm Carlito now."

"dayum, sun. must've been tuff. ya no wich wae to duh weezard? I haz duh cheezypoufz redy to trik da weezerd."

"Yeah boii, dat way. Shieeet, i cant even point. I'm pointless mayne! There be a river summat round here, and ya gotta get ovah bridge. Dem woods be right after dat."

"aight, bruh. since u can't point, i'll point fo u. I'ma spin in a swiggity swoogity circle. Tell me when I'm pointing in duh rite way"
Jorah sticks out his arm with his index finger outstretched and be spins in a circle very slowly.

As Jorah turns slowly, he sees the blue glimmer of a flowing river some distance outside of town.

"There! Das it mayne. Das it."
Jorah stops with his finger pointing roughly to the north.

"cool beanz, Carlito"
Jorah continues pointing in the direction and walks over to Gray.
"yo, das duh way man. leggo!"

Gray sighs, there's no leading Jorah astray this time, but also simultaneously rejoices at the opportunity to perhaps profit however unlikely that is.

"Alright brother, we shall go where you say, oh and by the way you can wear the armor if you wish, it seems more attuned to you."

Gray makes way for the indicated direction.

Gray and Jorah roll out of town and quickly find themselves before a winding river. It's too deep and wide to cross safely at this point, but they can spot a muddy ford some distance downstream to the right while in the other direction they see what looks like a sturdy stone bridge with a large blocky protrusion arching over the waters.

"If we tryna trik did wizard, I think we shouldn't look hostile bruh. Which path u think we shud take?
Jorah turns to the mithril chestpiece.
"Thar b a choice mayne. Duh Ford or duh bridge. Which u think we shud take?"

"Hmmmm." Carlito thinks hard. Like, really really hard. All of the armor's vast knowledge and wisdom is being put to the test in this decision.