Chocolate Destiny: The BROad to BROkeback Mountain

to honor his fallen friend, Jorah decides to be unfun and takes the ford.

Jorah mushes into the muddy riverbed. Now that he has the wagon with him he can get a good approximation of what it must have felt like for Lee Gray during his crossing.

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'd4' : 1

The wagon suddenly gets stuck in the mud. Oh no! [You can either attempt to free it or ditch it]

Jorah takes Gray's old hide shield and attempts to wedge the wagon out of the mud while singing:
[Law the First: Energy is Conserved]

Gray had specifically requested that Jorah not soil the rawhide shield through digging, but he does this anyway. [2 Circumstance bonuses]

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'fudge' :

Despite his advantages the wagon remains stuck. If Jorah didn't know better he might think the mud was some kind of sentient monster, determined to hold onto it at any cost.

Jorah keeps trying

The wagon freeing continues.

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#1 'fudge' :


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#2 'fudge' :


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#3 'fudge' :


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#4 'fudge' :


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#5 'fudge' :

On the second attempt Jorah manages to rip the wagon free of the muck, and continues on his way with a dirty and slightly deformed but still serviceable shield.

A short while later he arrives back at the village where he met Frank Frill. It seems deserted.

Jorah sniffs around and tries to figure out why people left, making sure to check out Frank's shop first. Maybe things got too boring. Jorah also keeps any eye out for anything normies might not see [Batshit Cray].

A fresh, earthy smell fills Jorah's nose as he heads over to Photon Camp. He finds the windows partially boarded up from the inside and the door is locked. He knocks, and sees the fearful eyes of Frank Frill peering out from between boards.
"Mr. Cabot! Don't tell me they've gotten to you too!"

"eh, wuzhappen'd? I thot dis town wuz all cool and fun and stuff. Why's it so empty now?"

"I don't know! There were some weird people wearing nothing but belts going around with some purple thing, they asked me to touch it. When I said no they tried to poke it through my window!" One of the windows does appear to be cracked.

Jorah ponders
"Man, how would you wear nothing but belts. I'm not sure that sounds very comfortable or fun."

Jorah then comes to a realization
"Hey, I came back to get some cheesy poofs. you got any?"

"Yep, I still have a batch. You're not going to try to make me touch some purple thing or go dig somewhere, right?'

"nah dawg. Ya know, it looks like it's difficult for you to make more of those delicious cheesy poofs in this place. Doesn't look like those weird belt people with their purple things would want your cheesy poof business to take flight. I've got a wagon. Wanna grab your stuff and relocate? Go somewhere fun where cheesy poofs and your other cheese products can be truly appreciated? I don't wanna see deese delicious poofs vanish from the world because of weird belt people. I'll help you move as best I can."

"Really? You'd do that? Okay, uh, I'm going to pack up then."

"Hello there, friend!" a male voice rings out, cheerful yet somehow devoid of life. "Have you returned to help us?"
"Oh no, they're back," Frank moans. "What are we gonna do?"
Across the square from Photon Camp is the owner of the voice, one of the bondage enthusiasts Jorah met earlier. He is approaching at a brisk, efficient pace, almost like a march.

Jorah whispers to Frill as inconspicously as possible.
"Hurry up and grab your stuff, I'll deal with this guy."

Jorah holds out his hands to embrace the approaching belt guy with a hug. When right before Jorah would wrap his arms around the guy, Jorah will attempt to quickly draw his broken blade and stab the guy in the back while muffling his mouth with the other hand.

Jorah extends his arms and awaits the man's arrival. "H-how is that dealing with him?" Frank Frill whispers back.
"You are not saying anything friend, is something the matter?" the bondage enthusiast asks as he gets closer.
"Please be careful! Oh, I can't watch this."
The belt-clad man enters arm's reach, and Jorah puts his plan into action.

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'fudge' :

Jorah draws his broken sword, causing the belted man to freeze up in surprise.
"You are not- mmm mmmff mmfff!!!"
Jorah's other hand quickly clasps the man's mouth shut. With his sword remnant the heir of Cabot tries to reach around to the back but the bondage enthusiast catches him by the wrist, keeping it away from his body.

Jorah sings [Law the First: Energy is Conserved] and tries to overpower the enthusiast.

Keeping a tight lid on his opponent's mouth, Jorah goes for an empowered overcome.

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'fudge' :

The belted man's strength proves greater than his lanky form might indicate, and Jorah's blade is kept at bay. If only it were longer...
With his free hand the bondage enthusiast detaches a purple sliver from the back of his neck and strikes at Jorah.

Jorah attempts to intercept the belted man's hand using the hand he was muffling him with and kick him in the balls.

Jorah unmuffles his target, who immediately shouts for help.

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'fudge' :

Jorah successfully blocks the strike. His foot delivers an unending holocaust of pain as it rockets into the bondage enthusiast's crotch. His shouts transition to wordless yelling.

Jorah pulls his sword hand back from the guy's blocking hand and tries to gut the suffering sadist/masochist whatever he is, and end his suffering.

As his opponent is now doubling over in pain Jorah has no trouble withdrawing his sword. He jabs the broken tip into his opponent's leather clad lower abdomen and slices upwards, disemboweling him. The man drops the purple sliver as he falls to the ground convulsing, entrails spilling onto the dirt. "p-please...stop them...t-" he croaks hoarsely before he goes still, eyes open in beseeching manner.

Jorah yells for Frank to hurry his ass up and bolts towards the driver seat of the wagon.

"Sorry, I've got works in progress I don't want to lose!" Frank calls back.
Jorah clambers onto the driver's seat. Frank makes a few frantic runs back and forth from the shop, carrying pots, pans, utensils, jars, and packages of varying shapes and dumping them in the wagon.

"I am coming, friend! What is the problem?" another voice calls out from behind the buildings on the other side of the square.

"No, not yet!" Frank sighs, and climbs into the wagon. "Okay, I suppose I can make do with just this. Let's go!"

Jorah drives the wagon in a direction that both leads out of the town and is away from the direction the bondage guy's friend's voice is coming from.

"So, do you know any good towns where we might be able to set up shop? There's a map somewhere in this wagon. point me in the right direction. I'm not too gud with dem maps."

The wagon gets rolling onto the eastbound road, unintelligible shouts coming from the settlement left behind that are presumably outrage over the finding of the body. When Jorah feels they are far enough away he slows the horse to a walk, surrounded by unpeopled wilderness.

Underneath the makeshift hood of the tarp, Frank Frill rummages through the jumble of items for the map. "Oh, found it! ...Wow, it's the entire kingdom. Didn't know it was so big..."
He pores over it for a few minutes.
"Hmm... so many places to choose from. I know a fellow in Lymesha who might be able to help, but the map doesn't go west of the Ixiesh, so we can rule that out for sure. There's the capital Domiente, can't go wrong with that. I've also heard good things about Port Sibanya and the Valdad fiefdom. Those are all pretty far from here though. Closer... Torian, no, Milagre, no... okay, the closest I can find is Chuloton, just north of the Wolfwoods. It's kind of weird though... Oh! We could also go to San Septmare, Fortuna, Enarou, one of those southern port towns? Could set up there, or take a ship to Abatos, I think they even have a Cheesemaker's Guild."

"o man, let's go to dem port towns, bruh. Never been there before. Sounds like a cool place to be. Also we have the option of going to Abatos from there."

Frank nods. "Alright then, that means we're going south. So we've got to find the next road that branches off of this one to the south, or an intersection..."

"YEEEEEEEOOOOWW!!!" Jorah hears a strange, muffled voice shout. "Oh lawdy, I'm trapped! I can't breath!"

"Hey, I just felt something weird," Frank Frill reports. "I think it came from your stuff, is it alright if I check it out?"

"oh. right. that's Carlito. Just ignore him. He's just a dumb shield. Don't touch him, he'll try to do weird stuff to you. I think he's into tentacles."

Frank appears to be disturbed by this news. "Carlito? A dumb shield? Er, are you keeping some sort of...creature in here?"

"AYYYY I know dat voice!" Carlito exclaims, "it's my man, mah man, muh man, m'man... shieet, I forgot yo name? Whateva, you gotta get me outta this thang!"

"eh, iDunno wut he is man. You can take a peek if you want, just don't touch him. He'll make you do things. Things that you don't wanna do mayne. Das not cool. Sounds like he wants to get out. if you do look, take care, bruh. Carlito's got no chill."

"Uh...well, if you say so." Frank takes out the bag. As soon he lifts the flap and glimpses what's inside he flinches back in horror.
"Oh my god! It's one of those purple things, but it's huge! Why... why do you have it?!"

"Comooon mayne, you know thas not true," Carlito objects, "Lemme out and I'll show you I got chill. Tell me you wouldn't flip out if someone stuffed yo ass in a bag while you wuz sleepin'."

"hmm. It must have changed into it's true form after being stuffed in the bag. Now we fuck it. I wanted to give Carlito a chance to redeem himself, but now I don't think that's gonna happen. We should find some way to rid the world of this fun hating monster."

It takes the shaken Frank a moment to process this. "Okay, but how do we do that? This seems like sorcery, but I don't know anything about magic and monsters, do you?"

"You WUT mate? You tryna get rid of ME? Call me a fun hating monster? Oh nuh uh, that's it, that is IT mang. uoh, UUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!"

Jorah becomes acutely aware of Carlito's presence. Frank flinches again, seemingly from nothing. "Ugh, it's back, stronger this time..."

Jorah hands the reins to Frank
"Drive for a moment, bruh."

After Jorah hands the reins to Frank, he promptly moves to the back of the wagon and kicks Carlito out along with the bag it's trapped in.
"Das rite boi, das wutchu git for not even remembering mah naem. If u had chill, u wud noe."

Jorah returns to the front.
"Anyways, lez git to dat port town."